When the World Gets Blurry - Comments

*view
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Dammit, typos.
PAGE CLAIM (:

Eeeeep! I love the sound of this! The first chapter was brilliant, and I like how Lainey wrote her note on the back of a map with circled destinations! So clever (: The second chapter from her point of veiwe was perfect. I understand exactly what she means. Everyone is always telling me how I have suck potential and that I could be so many things if only I tried. You could go so far, they tell me, and that's exactly where I want to go - far away. Gah.

Chapter three was lovely. I liked the way you wrote the father's dialogue. It was very realistic, I think. That's exactly how I'd react if I were a parent. I like this story so far and can't wait for the next update! Subbing! (:

After checking out your other story, I decided, why not? Maybe she's got something else that's good for a read.

*cue happy dance*

I like this so far too! I won't say that I like your writing style, I prefer more dialogue than description. But that's fine, I rather liked reading your descriptions. ^^ & once again, this story is preeeeeetty interesting and so, yes! I will subscribe. Oh gosh... I sound stupid but eh - It's late and I'm feeling sort of weird. :|

“Alright, alright,” he finally says, as if he’s now the one cutting the officer off. “I understand completely, no apologies needed. I just hope you have a nice day, and aren’t distracted by the fact that there is a seventeen year old girl lost somewhere out there missing her family. Have a nice day.”

^
Liking him already. :]

Felt like reading some of your work :)

So this is pretty good, I like where you're going with the character development. I can actually picture this clearly in my head so far! Can't wait to see more/read more!

I thought this was a very lovely update. You did a wonderful job on getting the emotions and the father's tone down because that was the most important part of the story and you did that very well. The only thing that bothered me was how emotionless the sister was, she was basically in the background for this chapter, but I hope everything works out for her in the end. You ended in a place that can go many ways, so that's good. Enough to keep the reader's mind going :)

Yay, you updated! Loved the new chapter! :)
Hm... only mistake I caught, if it even is one:
'“Who? My daughter, one of my daughter’s is missing.” He replies. “Well don’t you think that if she left us a note I’d know where she was?”'
^ The daughter's should be daughters, no? Since it's not showing ownership? But idk... I may be missing something.
Overall, though, great update, and besides that ^, perfectly written. :D Can't wait for more! :D
I wonder if Gianna will go look for her? :o

I think this is really intriguing. I really hope to see where it goes. :)

I like where this is going. I read both chapters because the first one got me very curious as to where her sister might be. The two sisters are different like night and day and I like that. My sister and I are very much like that as well. Both girls are relatable and I like the length of your chapters. They fit and are a nice set up for the next chapter or events to come. I also really loved this line, it made the entire story for me. And I also know that most people run away because, secretly, they want to be chased.

I liked the layout. It definitely suited the story and it looked pretty.
When I read the lyrics, I didn't really think any of it, but now that I read the two chapters, I think I understand. That maybe she ran away because she didn't think anyone cared about her, that she was alone and that no one understood her. I was intrigued by what Gianna said about those who run away want to be chased. It makes me think that the story will be just that: a chase. It's very reeling. :) Good job. Maybe I'll subscribe.

Layout It's very cute. I love the banner. :)

Summary I like it. Sure, it's just song lyrics or whatever, but I'm sure it relates to the story.

001. Gianna
This is really interesting. I don't want to post any specific quotes because I don't want to post any spoilers. I really like the relationship of the two sisters. It's completely different than anything I have read in a long time. You're descriptions are good and not overbearing like some. You have me hooked to read more.

002. Alaina
I liked this chapter, but not as much as the first. I guess it's because there's no action in it. It's all back story and history. The back story and information is great, but I think it would be a little better if it was either introduced during some action in this chapter or revealed within multiple chapters. I hope that made sense.

Overall I do like this story. I'm subscribing because I want to know more. You're doing a good job. :)

This story is quite interesting. I didn't notice any mistakes, and it was very well written.
The chapters were kinda short but they certainly got their point out, you know?
I really really liked it. Keep writing because I actually want to read the rest of this :D

second update :D
:/ aww her and her dad dont get along :/
but i can actually slightly relate to Alaina
my dad and i are very similar, so I have that too
defenitly a good update :)

Loved the second update! I like how you're giving us background; it'll help us understand the story more, and you're telling us the reasoning behind why she ran away. Can't wait for more! :D

First of all, as i have said before, I love the idea. I thought your recent update was a great look into Alaina. I really like how you went into how she feels about her own life. It gave a lot of intake into how she feels personally about everything that's happening around her. I found it quite interesting that she never mentioned her sister... i'm really happy she has no issues with her. I think they must be really close! =) I don't think it was a bad update, but i am curious about how you are going to write this. Will you be switching between the two of them? Are more people involved? Will you be sticking with one of them? Honestly, i think any way would be really interesting. I am really excited to see what happens! =) So, overall, i don't think yoursecond update was bad, but i also hope that the next chapters will be longer...well, actaully, the length of your chapters isn' too bad... =)

This sounds like it's going to be a great story; just going by that first update. :) Can't wait to see what all you have in store for this, and can't wait for more! :D
Definitely... Subscribed! :D

I really like this! Im dying to read more! Please please please update soon!?
Im subscribing :)

I like it.
It's short, and to the point. You don't get too wrapped up in the story in just the first chapter.
I honestly have no idea what's going to happen.
I like the layout as well :D

I love a good adventure story, and this looks promising!
I love the layout by the way, <3
Alaina is a good name too, I kind of feel like I'm the one who's gonna go lookin' for her, can't wait to read more, subscribed*
MUSTACHE MAN FOR YOU :{D

I really love the layout. The description felt very real to me, it really showed that she knows her sister well. I like the way that you got the story started, just enough to draw people in without giving away too much too quickly. I liked reading about the way her room was trashed, it definitely made me curious about what happened before she ran away. The note felt perfect to me. It was short, sweet, and to the point, and the map was a clever idea!

WOW. great start. I really love the last line about how people who run away secretly want to be chased. I honestly think it's true. Also, i couldn't helping smiling a bit at how her Gianna's sister wrote "don't look", and Gianna didn't even hesitate for a second before she turned over the paper. i know if my sister did something like that, it wouldn't have taken me a second to turn the note over and write down the places that were circled so that i could look for her there. I really liked it, and it really has me intruiged. =) I'm definitely subscribing!!! good luck!!!!