sea of flames - Comments

I disagree with The Way's third point. You don't need background information for it to be a good story. They're called vignettes-- in a moment. But now that The Way says it, I am interested in how they met and such, but it's not a necessity.

I like the disjointed narration. Your descriptions are so creative. Good job.

there's just something about this. simple...and...just overall, good! loved it.

i am no way going to be able to leave as long a comment as The Way, but i disagree with him, although, he does makes some really valid points. nonetheless.

i personally loved how empty and disorganized and inconsistent this was.
that's what made it for me and makes it so it stands on it's own.

the lack of capitalization and puncuation just fits.
i feel like this character is just having a casual fuck ( pardon my french (: ) and he's having a thousand thoughts run through his head while simutaniously nothing is there. i feel like i was in his head, hearing what someone would be thinking in his situation. bravo.

hmm. i really, really love your writing style and i adore your earlier works, but this one isn't doing it for me.

1) narration can be disjointed and still flow together. this didn't do that at all. i can't explain it. it was hard to read and kind of digest, and not even in a slam poetry kind of way.
2) all the imagery is fantastic, always so creative, but not all together. there's something a bit lacking and all of it crammed seemed a bit like trying too hard, and that's so far from what i wanted to think. so much information and sophisticated wording, but i came away with nothing at all. i didn't know what to think or what i was supposed to take from it.
3) it's just a really inconsistent character, even for a stream of consciousness narrative. how did they meet/know each other? does he hate her? why are they fucking? does bloodshot eyes = high, or was that just thrown in there? also they're on his mattress, but her parents come home? it's like, it's okay to make a character seem unlikable, but they have to be somewhat relatable at the same time to be realistic. what kinda guy is he? why does he think the way he does? i read all of that and felt empty from reading through such an empty character.

i do think you're a phenomenal writer, and you're free to pass over this concrit if you want to. the strongest part of this (and your work) is the description, and i think i would have gushed over them more if this were any other piece.

be well <3

I love how this is all so disconnected- when I first saw it in the Rate the Story thread, I didn't much like it because of that, but now it really is sort of just how someone thinks, the way that a mind naturally changes subjects and thoughts flow.

This almost could seem to be a song, to be honest. It's all connected in the most incoherent way and I just can't find the right words to describe how classy this was for a sex scene.