Anklet for My Puppet - Comments

  • Okubukai

    Okubukai (100)

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    Oh thnx ^^ , actually i'ts really a poem and i'm trying to improve the idea by expanding it more by making it a long story ^^
    January 2nd, 2011 at 10:49am
  • mfaller

    mfaller (100)

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    This was really beautiful, and I adore your use of language and storytelling.
    However, i do wonder why this isn't in the poetry section. Even though it tells a story, poetry is the form. But it's beautiful regardless.
    I love the line "His name was Albert, he danced to her music once in a while."
    Another nitpick- I can barely read the third paragraph (stanza?) because the word DREAM is totally obstructing my view.
    January 2nd, 2011 at 10:46am