From The Edge Of A Cliff - Comments

i like this story as well as all the others, but this one is so unlikeather slashes it doesn't have smut or anything like that, just cuteness!!! :3

i like this story as well as all the others, but this one is so unlikeather slashes it doesn't have smut or anything like that, just cuteness!!! :3

I started off really liking the quote on the summary page,'First you jump off the cliff
and you build wings on the way down.' It's really nice.
You described how Ryan was feeling excellently. I especially liked the part, "There were so many songs he wanted to write, words he wanted to sing, but he just couldn’t seem to pull it out of himself the way he used to."
I like how you had Jon go after him. You showed his concern for his friend really well and it shows how close they are that he knew what Ryan needed.
It seems like their issues were resolved almost too quickly, but they were eager to see each other so it's believable.
The ending was so sweet! I like how you wrote, "He had finally found another way to feel warm."
It gives you a warm, happy feeling on the inside.
You write really well. I like how you put detail into your paragraphs and don't just focus on the dialogue.

I'm guessing this was a P@TD fan-fic?
Well, I really liked it. It was really great how you made the story and the characters very 3D. I could feel their emotion, and just how they felt. I think everyone can relate at least a bit to this story.
The only thing I have to say is how you wrote a lot of details, which kind of distracted me from the story, but that's just me.

Overall, good job. :)

This story is great, unlike many slash type stories it doesn't turn into overly graphic smut from no where but instead focuses on real emotions.
The way you used your words really helped to understand what they were feeling and your descrption of the smoke joining like a couples hands was just beautiful, it tied in with the story theme perfectly and standing alone as just a passage by itself it was wonderful and filled with emotion.
Just wonderul

layout;
i love the image but i wish it were also in the chapter. i like the background color and font is easy to read.

(btw it's so nice to read a panic fic on here for once!)

story;
i love how ryan is blaming this on alcohol/weed/lack of sleep but only half-heartedly because he knows it's not true and he doesn't want to admit it. and i'm so glad it's brendon that's causing it. not because i'm mean but because i'm a diehard ryden fan. (it's a canon ship. )

It was cold out, well as cold as California got and the heavy clouds swallowed every star in the sky.
i like this sentence in general, but i think it would work better as two, ending after "out". i love the ending imagery.

i love the way ryan loves the cold and how it feels. that chill. i can relate to it. and i love when anything is brought back to ryan's hands because it makes me think of his wrists and i register emotions through the lines of his tattoos. (okay, that sounded weird. i read this line once agian words following the spiky ink of his tattoo and now his tattoos and emotion regarding hands in fics always just... yeah. sorry.)

if he knew that feeling, he was sure that this would be it.
can i just hug him? that's so fucking heartbreaking.

i always think of ryan as old, so i agree with him feeling old. and old soul in a young body or something like that. it was interesting how he also blamed brendon for making him feeling old. it's not a conclusion i've personally drawn so now i'm interested in seeing why he also blames brendon.

[...]so he wouldn’t have to answer that goddamn question again.
and lines like these are why i am so adamant about swearing in narration being appropriate. it hits home, drives the nail down. without 'goddamn' it's nothing. it's a hope. this is a fervent desire.

“Are you sure? You seem a bit off,”
small typo here. it should end with a period, not a comma.

“It’s like your living a fucking song you haven’t written yet,”
oh mi god. i actually just laid back and stared at the ceiling for a moment thinking about that line. it's so beautiful. it's so ryan. i mean, he didn't say it but it's about him. this is perfection in eleven words. i have never read any variation of this line in a panic fic.

now, reading down, i love how ryan can tell jon was "searching" for those words. i like that because the words are so perfect it's nice to know they weren't effortless on jon's part. (this fic is making me like jon a little. i'm still mad at him and this is making me a little less mad. damn you.)

oh yay! if this were real i would totally like jon, again. but i agree. it's like everyone knows they should just suck it up and get back together except them. our poor little stupid gaymo boys. so oblivious. and ryan's too smart to be so stupid.

i love how brendon drinks from "pretty glasses" to convince himself he's just drinking for fun and not to mask something. it's like a grown-up twisted version of make believe and i really like it.

(i don't know if you're writing for canon's sake so ignore this if you are, but brendon's family wouldn't have wine 'cause they're mormon. not that it takes away or anything. just throwin' it out there.)

i love brendon's resistance to ryan. just fear. that's what it strikes me as is pure fear. because after you've been hurt by someone it fucks you up. The only thing that could only make him feel warm anymore was the alcohol. this seems like a defense mechanism. i don't think he believes it, but he wants to.

“And fuck you for not believing me!”
i just love this line. that's all.

this is interesting. i'm so used to ryden from the beginning that it's weird to see them having just started dating shortly before the split. my eyes went really big when i read that. -keeps reading-

He knew he had made a mistake leaving Brendon, but he hadn’t realised how terrible it had been. He hid for so long that he couldn’t even see when someone was finding him.
there's something about this section that seems slightly off to me. i think it's just the wording. it's too much telling and the rest of it has been mostly showing so that sort of broke the tone a little bit for me. i really love the last line though.

"children and dreamers".
love that imagery.

awww, that ending is so sweet<3

overall;
overal this is great. a twist i didn't expect and just very natural characters. your characterization is beautiful. i love how most of this is focused on ryan and then just the little bit of brendon and then the exchange. i like that you didn't feel the need to give brendon and ryan "equal play" because it wasn't necessary.

first comment XD