Sorry for taking so long with my comment! And thanks again for your submission.
This story, I read it some time ago but I'm posting comment only now... it's surely something outstanding. Your language... leaves me in awe. Wow, you definitely know how to use English, that's for damn sure. It's like... what a great artist does with colors when creating a painting, you do here with words. This story was just so wonderfully written I'm somewhat in awe. You think that if writing is your passion you shouldnt stop ... everrr. Because you are so skilled with language. Your style is amazing.
Let's go to quotes now.
Coming from privilege left very little room for error. Failure was never tolerated, was never even an option; perfection was the only way. My parents hold expectations of me, their only child, their only son. However, there’s always something, or rather someone who comes along to change everything. -> So from the first sentence I knew this is going to be something. Not only the way you wove words together to create the beautiful text, but also the thought you put in this first paragraph got me interested from the very start.
I remember it very fondly -> Ok, I had to quote this tiny part because... to remember something fondly... it's such a lovely idea.
Her arrival would also bring whatever grandchildren were permitted visitation for their spring holiday. I recall how dull the evening had turned out to be before Ms. Johnston’s arrival. The young ladies had begun a few rounds of various board games, blatantly ignoring the corral of young gents across the room. She would always escort her charges to the parlor, giving a brief introduction before smiling and wishing us a good evening before retiring to the main hall and putting everyone to shame with tales of her rather eventful life. -> I know I probably shouldnt kill the comment with HUGE quotes of your paragraphs but I felt the urge to. Because that writing style. It blows my mind. You are so amazing with description and narration and the language use. The text, even when giving the expression of being so high class, and so high quality, flows so well and is readable, it is pleasure to read such wonderfully woven text.
I was perched in the poncy armchair angled so I could see the whole room at any glance. I always sat there, I never bothered to socialize, most nights like these the gents would gather round and talk around me, never quite to or with me, very rarely at me. Most times I would have one of the many books littered about the manor, my own doing of course, lying open in my lap, however, that night I was drawn to William. His dark hair, the way his suit—not tux—fitted his body just a touch poorly. The small flashes of his crisp and too white shirt beneath the jacket let anyone know he was out of his element. -> And again quoting a huge part. This image is stuck in my mind for some reason. The protagonist sitting in that chair like that... being the wealthy son, distant, unsociable, hard to get, unapproachable. And then there's William and the protagonist's.. interest in him. Interest that later becomes fascination. And first love.
He offered me his hand—for what I assumed to be a handshake—taking mine into his he lifted it up, bringing it to his lips, pressing them softly against my knuckles. The silence that filled the room the second he righted his posture and turned to walk towards the door lingered long after he departed and the door closed with a soft click. To this day I can still recall the word young Jamie blurted out that night—such a foul title. A small three letter word that meant ruin to the lives of many in our social circle; it followed the two of us around those three weeks he was spending in Ms. Johnston’s company. -> When I picked that picture for the contest, I was hoping exactly for something like this. You did such an awesome job with using that picture as inspiration for your story. You managed to put a thrill into the story, to give it a romantic tension, some kind of conflict... inner conflict more than any other. And the spicy flavor of the forbidden...
My parents were thrilled I was willingly spending time with another human being they purposefully ignored the rumors that stemmed from such honest truths. The kisses were passionate, sloppy and desperate, the touches were enough to deliver you to the brink of insanity, and for the first time in my life I had felt alive. -> Somehow... even when you werent writing a lot about the intimate encounters of these two... you managed to convey the passion of their forbidden fling so well. The whole idea I like a lot. Two wealthy boys, probably brats, naked and tangled, lost in each other... or well, one in the other... William being a player. You let them both have some kind of mystery to them, never explained them enough, and I liked that. The protagonist is somewhat easier to understand, but not much - his smile at the end leaves him being just as mysterious as William is. Maybe they both are just caught too deep in the moral standards of their class... too caged to ever admit their feelings publicly - that would be the end of them. And maybe they are not even in love, for that matter, and all they've shared is sexual and pure passion, discovering the human body, the human heart and what they are capable of when they get in contact with another willing human being. Well, at least on the protagonist's side. William remains mysterious cheater and heart conqueror.
The pain that often lingers for an indefinite amount of time after one has their heart broken for that ever so life altering first time, it devoured me. It burned me from the darkest recesses of my self-proclaimed uncaring heart, shattering the barriers of my well constructed internal wall that kept others out. -> OH my, the amazingness of how this is written.
I found it rather easy to avoid social gatherings—given what happened and even prior to Li—William’s arrival—my lack of presence was not missed. -> This part I loved. How he, in his 1st person narration, slipped into calling William by the intimate petname he gave him probably in their most tender moments, most heated ones... name that no one else knew, only the two of them. It was like you opened the door to secret chamber a little. That kind of thrill. I loved it.
That was the first time he and I ever did anything under Ms. Johnston’s roof. She was going to the big city with the Frillman’s for a play and wouldn’t return till late the next morning. After she departed William crossed the room and removed the tea cup from my hand and placed it on the small table next to where I was sitting. He cupped my head within his hands and pressed his forehead to mine, the tip of his nose brushing my own as he stared hard and deep into my eyes, almost as if he was searching for something. -> That first sentence only stressed more the fact how forbidden their relationship is, and how much more exciting it makes it to have sex under the roof of one of people who would condemn such behavior. They are like attracted animals in heat, in a way. Their passion burnsss.
We lay on his bed, tangled in each other’s limbs, bodies connected in a way that left me aching for more than one reason the days following. His fingertips danced along the planes of my chest, patterns and beats only he knew, leaving trails of fire behind that settled into the lower pit of my heart. Lingering and causing my body to hunger for him in a way that’s left me hardened in array of ways. We slept together, simply sleeping wrapped up in each other that night -> This was kind of... touching, heartbreaking. Wonderful description, not telling too much, yet so delicately and through use of such beautiful words letting the readers know about the purity of the protagonist's feelings for William... even when he knows he's cheated on.
The chime of a clock somewhere within the confines of the house brought him from sleep. I watched as his body slowly awakened, as he shifted, pressing and rubbing various parts of our bodies together before he opened his eyes. It was that moment, when our eyes met, that I finally saw behind their wall. The shame that lingered with every touch, every kiss, the betrayal to another not me—it was so brief that I knew if I wanted to I could convince myself I was only imagining it. -> This moment of waking up gotta be one of my favorite parts of this fiction. How William rubbed their bodies together. When I imagined the morning scene... there's something moving yet beautiful about it, something so sad too. It is like that mutual something they had is slowly but surely slipping in between their fingers.... the protagonist's fingers... dreams getting dissolved in thickness of reality.
Sucking the very soul from the depths of my core it seemed, my entire body was alight with a fire that burned from the ends of my toes to the darkest corners of my mind. -> Beautiful.
I wondered what she would think if she knew that after he had ravished her on the fields where I saw them he had come to me, took me to his bed. I envisioned myself telling her whilst they were together -> Such evil thought... but that's what I'd expect from him for sure. And William would kind of deserve it.
I loved this entry especially for the way you work with language. That is something that makes this fic absolutely outstanding. You are a poet in how you work with words, even when what you write is not exactly poetry. Good luck in the contest and with your future writings.
This story, I read it some time ago but I'm posting comment only now... it's surely something outstanding. Your language... leaves me in awe. Wow, you definitely know how to use English, that's for damn sure. It's like... what a great artist does with colors when creating a painting, you do here with words. This story was just so wonderfully written I'm somewhat in awe. You think that if writing is your passion you shouldnt stop ... everrr. Because you are so skilled with language. Your style is amazing.
Let's go to quotes now.
Coming from privilege left very little room for error. Failure was never tolerated, was never even an option; perfection was the only way. My parents hold expectations of me, their only child, their only son. However, there’s always something, or rather someone who comes along to change everything. -> So from the first sentence I knew this is going to be something. Not only the way you wove words together to create the beautiful text, but also the thought you put in this first paragraph got me interested from the very start.
I remember it very fondly -> Ok, I had to quote this tiny part because... to remember something fondly... it's such a lovely idea.
Her arrival would also bring whatever grandchildren were permitted visitation for their spring holiday. I recall how dull the evening had turned out to be before Ms. Johnston’s arrival. The young ladies had begun a few rounds of various board games, blatantly ignoring the corral of young gents across the room. She would always escort her charges to the parlor, giving a brief introduction before smiling and wishing us a good evening before retiring to the main hall and putting everyone to shame with tales of her rather eventful life. -> I know I probably shouldnt kill the comment with HUGE quotes of your paragraphs but I felt the urge to. Because that writing style. It blows my mind. You are so amazing with description and narration and the language use. The text, even when giving the expression of being so high class, and so high quality, flows so well and is readable, it is pleasure to read such wonderfully woven text.
I was perched in the poncy armchair angled so I could see the whole room at any glance. I always sat there, I never bothered to socialize, most nights like these the gents would gather round and talk around me, never quite to or with me, very rarely at me. Most times I would have one of the many books littered about the manor, my own doing of course, lying open in my lap, however, that night I was drawn to William. His dark hair, the way his suit—not tux—fitted his body just a touch poorly. The small flashes of his crisp and too white shirt beneath the jacket let anyone know he was out of his element. -> And again quoting a huge part. This image is stuck in my mind for some reason. The protagonist sitting in that chair like that... being the wealthy son, distant, unsociable, hard to get, unapproachable. And then there's William and the protagonist's.. interest in him. Interest that later becomes fascination. And first love.
He offered me his hand—for what I assumed to be a handshake—taking mine into his he lifted it up, bringing it to his lips, pressing them softly against my knuckles. The silence that filled the room the second he righted his posture and turned to walk towards the door lingered long after he departed and the door closed with a soft click. To this day I can still recall the word young Jamie blurted out that night—such a foul title. A small three letter word that meant ruin to the lives of many in our social circle; it followed the two of us around those three weeks he was spending in Ms. Johnston’s company. -> When I picked that picture for the contest, I was hoping exactly for something like this. You did such an awesome job with using that picture as inspiration for your story. You managed to put a thrill into the story, to give it a romantic tension, some kind of conflict... inner conflict more than any other. And the spicy flavor of the forbidden...
My parents were thrilled I was willingly spending time with another human being they purposefully ignored the rumors that stemmed from such honest truths. The kisses were passionate, sloppy and desperate, the touches were enough to deliver you to the brink of insanity, and for the first time in my life I had felt alive. -> Somehow... even when you werent writing a lot about the intimate encounters of these two... you managed to convey the passion of their forbidden fling so well. The whole idea I like a lot. Two wealthy boys, probably brats, naked and tangled, lost in each other... or well, one in the other... William being a player. You let them both have some kind of mystery to them, never explained them enough, and I liked that. The protagonist is somewhat easier to understand, but not much - his smile at the end leaves him being just as mysterious as William is. Maybe they both are just caught too deep in the moral standards of their class... too caged to ever admit their feelings publicly - that would be the end of them. And maybe they are not even in love, for that matter, and all they've shared is sexual and pure passion, discovering the human body, the human heart and what they are capable of when they get in contact with another willing human being. Well, at least on the protagonist's side. William remains mysterious cheater and heart conqueror.
The pain that often lingers for an indefinite amount of time after one has their heart broken for that ever so life altering first time, it devoured me. It burned me from the darkest recesses of my self-proclaimed uncaring heart, shattering the barriers of my well constructed internal wall that kept others out. -> OH my, the amazingness of how this is written.
I found it rather easy to avoid social gatherings—given what happened and even prior to Li—William’s arrival—my lack of presence was not missed. -> This part I loved. How he, in his 1st person narration, slipped into calling William by the intimate petname he gave him probably in their most tender moments, most heated ones... name that no one else knew, only the two of them. It was like you opened the door to secret chamber a little. That kind of thrill. I loved it.
That was the first time he and I ever did anything under Ms. Johnston’s roof. She was going to the big city with the Frillman’s for a play and wouldn’t return till late the next morning. After she departed William crossed the room and removed the tea cup from my hand and placed it on the small table next to where I was sitting. He cupped my head within his hands and pressed his forehead to mine, the tip of his nose brushing my own as he stared hard and deep into my eyes, almost as if he was searching for something. -> That first sentence only stressed more the fact how forbidden their relationship is, and how much more exciting it makes it to have sex under the roof of one of people who would condemn such behavior. They are like attracted animals in heat, in a way. Their passion burnsss.
We lay on his bed, tangled in each other’s limbs, bodies connected in a way that left me aching for more than one reason the days following. His fingertips danced along the planes of my chest, patterns and beats only he knew, leaving trails of fire behind that settled into the lower pit of my heart. Lingering and causing my body to hunger for him in a way that’s left me hardened in array of ways. We slept together, simply sleeping wrapped up in each other that night -> This was kind of... touching, heartbreaking. Wonderful description, not telling too much, yet so delicately and through use of such beautiful words letting the readers know about the purity of the protagonist's feelings for William... even when he knows he's cheated on.
The chime of a clock somewhere within the confines of the house brought him from sleep. I watched as his body slowly awakened, as he shifted, pressing and rubbing various parts of our bodies together before he opened his eyes. It was that moment, when our eyes met, that I finally saw behind their wall. The shame that lingered with every touch, every kiss, the betrayal to another not me—it was so brief that I knew if I wanted to I could convince myself I was only imagining it. -> This moment of waking up gotta be one of my favorite parts of this fiction. How William rubbed their bodies together. When I imagined the morning scene... there's something moving yet beautiful about it, something so sad too. It is like that mutual something they had is slowly but surely slipping in between their fingers.... the protagonist's fingers... dreams getting dissolved in thickness of reality.
Sucking the very soul from the depths of my core it seemed, my entire body was alight with a fire that burned from the ends of my toes to the darkest corners of my mind. -> Beautiful.
I wondered what she would think if she knew that after he had ravished her on the fields where I saw them he had come to me, took me to his bed. I envisioned myself telling her whilst they were together -> Such evil thought... but that's what I'd expect from him for sure. And William would kind of deserve it.
I loved this entry especially for the way you work with language. That is something that makes this fic absolutely outstanding. You are a poet in how you work with words, even when what you write is not exactly poetry. Good luck in the contest and with your future writings.