Draw - Comments

That was awesome. For a four hundred word short story, it was fantastic. I was completely unprepared for the twist you put in there and I found myself captivated in the story itself as if I saw everything as it was, and then watched as in just a split second, it changed.

Well done with your writing.

(Also, I forgot to add- the comparison to the 'rock concert' was unusual. The historical misalignment of this is probably a mistake, but if you wanted to make it deliberate, you could have some funky time-traveler stuff going on).

The layout for this is really messy and distracting, but I liked this line from the summary:

Do you feel lucky?

I think you need a fullstop at the end of the first sentence in the actual chapter. The rest of this honestly reads quite well. If it were a prologue to a chaptered story, then I'd say that I was hooked. The narrative leads me along, and by the end of it, I still want to find out more. So many things are left unexplained- why are they dueling, for instance, that it really feels like the lead-in to something bigger.

If you ever wanted to make it longer, you could have this as the prologue, but also the final scene, and then work backwards from there, explaining how things came to be. I'd certainly read it.

However, if you want to keep it this way, I also think it works well on its own. It's really just the layout that I found to be off-putting. I'm a big believer in selling your work however you can, including by presentation, and if Mibba gives you the layout tool to use, then you should make good use of it.

Well done on the writing, though!

Sorry it took me this long to get on here to comment:/
But I love this(: It was short, but really really good. I don't get to read stories like this alot, so yeah. This was really interesting and awesome. I didn't notice any grammar or spelling mistakes, it was absolutely fantastic(:
Great job(:

After this, I've got this sorta expression on my face: O_o
It's sorta like, what the eff just happened? So, was he shot? Or.... ?

I really liked how you described their standing there, and the sweat going down their face.
I also loved how the narrator interacted with the reader, especially the line: Second, and stay with me because I know this will be hard to believe
I really really liked that. It made it seem so much more real.
Grammatically and spelling wise it was just perfect. Well written stories are a hard find nowadays.
This is unique, which is also a rarity. Great job. :)

I liked this. It was different. It was in so few words, yet you could picture it clearly in your mind and know how it would feel to go through that.
I didn't find any mistakes and it was written well.
In my opinion, the layout was a little too harsh... I guess it needed more colors instead of just the brown kind of thing.
Other than that. It was great ^_^

This was oddly interesting. Can't say that I understood the layout too much, but I was definitely left wondering what was going on. Lovely use of words (: