Danger Line - Comments

This is story is so great. I love how every chapter explores every single guy & their feelings. I hope you guys find the time to update this.

This story is amazing!
its really emotional
I'm really glad I read it!
I tried to write a story with the boys in the army...
but it went hideously wrong ;S
You guys are doing a great job!!

I really love this story. It really shows the reality of how war can really damage someone mentally. Zacky's reaction was sad, but it made sense.

Oh, and just so you know. In the most recent chapter you used Zacky's name instead of Johnny's a couple of times. No biggie. (:

Okay, first off, yes I am reading a lot of your stories right now, that would be because I had my wisdom teeth removed a few days ago & I don't feel like doing anything but sitting on my bum & reading..haha..just thought I'd let ya know..
...Anyways...
This story is very good! Zacky's reaction is sad, but it happens a lot when men or women come back from war. Plus I love that this is a, as OctoberIsForLovers said, a glorified military story, and from what you guys have posted, it's really good.(:

Does Zacky Have PTSD?
i love the thought of this, its really nice to see a glorified military story, but im waiting for the conflict to come in.

I was so happy to see this story had been updated and the notification in my inbox. yes. Love all the chapters up so far. It's so sad with Zacky's reaction--but seeing how my Uncle returned home from the Gulf in the 90s it's very true to life which is sad.

I love the updatee, Glad its back up :)

As a girl dating a soldier, this story never feels more true. It's also a fantastic story for anyone to read, just due to the reality that is held within it that few ever see. (:

Very nice update with Brian and Jessica. Very cute. Very sweet :) thumbs up!

absolutely loved this story, amazing!! I was so happy to see it was updated!!

:) I almost cried... Haha I don't wanna cry!
This story has "EPIC" written all over it!
*SUBSCRIBE!*

I just know this story's going to have me crying like a baby but i'll take it!
These two chapters were incredible and I cannot wait for whatever else is in store! :)

Wow! Just wow! I love it! This is something that hit home close to me because I'm an Army brat and my father had to do a tour overseas so this hit me hard. I teared up when Matt reunited with his wife. Just beautiful. I've always wanted to see Avenged as soilders...hotness! But I just can't get enough of it! I really can't wait to read more. I'm wondering if one of them will end up having PTSD from the war. I can't wait!

absolutely love the chapter, update soon!!!

I didn't realize this was a sequel until I'd gone to hit subscribe =). It doesn't read like a sequel, so I'll have to go back and read the prequel.

I have some con crit for you =). It's not meant to be mean or put you down as writers, it's just a few things I saw that either confused me or where a simple grammar mistake was made.

***

“That’s bullshit. Three years is a long time. They changed and so did we, sure it will feel as if nothing happened the first few days, but then we would have to adjust to this new life style. Nothing is the same Jimmy and you know that.” Jimmy huffed as he crossed his arms over his chest and sat further back into it.

“I don’t know about you guys but I have optimism. I still think that we should have told them we are coming back, I wouldn’t have minded if my girl met me on base.” A smile came onto Brian’s lips as he thought more about the plan that he thought off and that the guys had all agreed too.

“Come on Jimmy, you know that this will be a good surprise for them. At least I hope that it will be a good surprise for them. You and the rest of us all know that the girls had just recently gone out drinking. They have been doing the same exact thing for the past three years. I wouldn’t want them driving with hangovers.” Brian told them as Johnny agreed with him.

In this section, it's confusing to me as to who is speaking. Right before this, it was clear that Matt was the speaker, so when I read on I thought it was Jimmy based off the context. But I don't think Jimmy would speak about himself in third person (marked in bold). I like that you are trying different ways of indicating who spoke without using "said" and other words, but in this case it got a little confusing for me.

***

I missed absolutely every important step of my son’s life and done nothing.

"Done" means finished. Grammatically here is should either "...life and have done nothing" or "...life and did nothing." I prefer how 'have done' sounds, as it indicates exactly what you want it to: he was gone and wasn't able to participate in his son's life. I can't remember the exact grammar rule off the top of my head, but 'have done' would be acceptable here.

***

This wasn’t how a typical plane landed, There were no check in's to go through and you didn’t wait far, your loved ones waited for you in a special room and one’s the plane landed, they all headed out onto the runway.

This sentence was just confusing =). I would put a semi-colon after landed, then start with 'there were no..' from there. No apostrophe on 'ins', and be sure to hyphenate 'check-ins'. In that same sentence, I'm not sure what this meant: "you didn’t wait far". Did you mean you didn't have to walk far to meet your loved ones? Indicated in bold: "one's" should be "once".

Something to keep in mind when writing dialogue: be sure to use this format: ""Hello," he said". You don't have to use said, but note the comma before the quotation marks. Unless your dialogue is going to read like this: ""Hello?" Mom turned from the phone for a second to shush us.", then you want to make sure you use the comma before the closing quotations.

I'm actually writing up a tutorial for the new Mibba with some writing tips, so when that's up, holler if you'd like the link.

Ooohh first to comment, I have to say I love the story so far and its only the first chapter. Can't wait for the next one. Update soon!!!