Well first and foremost I would like to thank you for entering my contest
This was an interesting way that you interpreted the lyrics. I though it was interesting but I like with Chastity (commenter above me) I think that you should make the story flow a bit more smother. I feel that some certain parts just end abruptly and the then the next one starts. Also there was a handful of grammatical and spelling errors that I found in the story, so you should looked over it again and try to fix that.
Once again thanks for entering and the results for this contest should be sometime soon after February first if no-one asks for an extension, so keep an eye out for that.
I liked it but I think you should try to make it flow smoother with only two breaks, one if possible (you definitely need the one at the end IMO). Also, there are a couple little mechanical errors that you should fix. That's about it. ^_^
This was an interesting way that you interpreted the lyrics. I though it was interesting but I like with Chastity (commenter above me) I think that you should make the story flow a bit more smother. I feel that some certain parts just end abruptly and the then the next one starts. Also there was a handful of grammatical and spelling errors that I found in the story, so you should looked over it again and try to fix that.
Once again thanks for entering and the results for this contest should be sometime soon after February first if no-one asks for an extension, so keep an eye out for that.