Ghostly Games - Comments

really good hope you continue!!! :3

Melody, such a pretty name :)
plus, the title of the story is awesome!
ohh boys, us girls get so in love so easy
that other girl seems pretty
well, at least Melody and Lucy are being friendly to Ali
ohhh Josh is there! haha that should be interesting..
i like this so far, very much actually.
good start! and i took this story's comment virginity!

This is intriguing.

I love the way you write. Everything is very simple, making it honest and easy for the reader to imagine. But you obviously choose your words very carefully to make sure the picture the reader sees is exactly what you imagined.

Your dialogue also sounds very, very natural. I could honestly imagine all of your characters interacting in normal conversation without sound awkward or jilted by strange sentence structure or unnatural vocabulary. It works very well.

I did spot that there were a few grammar errors, mainly with speech, but these could really easily be corrected with just a proof read, either by yourself, or by someone else. I would be happy to do it for you if you like, but it's very simple things that just need changing, such as:

“Ali” the girl gave her a small smile and let go of her hand."

I think it should probably be "Ali.” The girl gave her a small smile and let go of her hand."

But the story is very, very good, and I look forward to reading more from you.

OOOHHHHH!!!!!
I really like this!
update soon?
XD