Corruption - Comments

i just have to say, i love the border you did in the layout. it's amazing and i haven't seen it before. and i love this picture of pete and ry.

It turned him on.
i really love the simplicity of this line. it's only four words but it says a lot more to me than some long drawn out bullshit would. because this is just the truth and it's sex so is there really time to be slow?

i love the description of the initial kiss, but this phrase jumped out at me heavy breathing chaos. it absolutely should not work. it just shouldn't. but it does. i don't know why, but it does. it's sheer fucking perfection.

so this is sort of auish? i didn't get that when i started reading, but when it came up it didn't throw me off.

overall, i really like this. i like in the beginning how you switch back and forth from person to person, but then when they 'meet' it's not at all awkward or forced to the narration. i like that ryan kisses pete when it's pete who wants to corrupt him.

i'm not sure about the ending. it's nice, but it's just not... it seems off to me a little bit. maybe it's the dialogue just doesn't seem like something one would say.

but the rest of the dialogue is so natural and flows so well and i can actually picture this conversation. and then i like how pete 'accuses' ryan and ryan just comes right back at him. that's amazing.

(I'm just going to babble on for a bit...if you don't mind). I generally comment stories as I read, in case I see errors and such. But I thought I'd just read through yours fully, instead of attempting to critique anything. And I'm glad that I did. Because, I would have made a bit of a fool of myself for not getting the connections. So, first: I think it's quite well done how you start writing about how each character feels individually about the situation, then you go on to the kiss, and it's like almost out of nowhere that there's the whole I'm moving part.

I was confused with that at first, but as I read, I tried to keep my mind open to it, and tried to not sit there wondering what was going on. And then it clicked that that was possibly referring to what was going on in those first few paragraphs. It brought it full circle kind of thing. I liked that. :)

Also, I really like how you've put a corruption passion in Pete's character. :) It really shines through so well throughout the rest of the story. Examples:
Pete had said when he had approached Ryan - he approaches.
put his mouth close to Ryan’s ear as he spoke
couldn’t help but smile when he noticed how Ryan had shivered
Just those descriptions and placements are great to showing the burning passion in Pete to corrupt Ryan. Also, I think it's neat how Ryan submits as well, even though it doesn't quite seem like it because Pete's caught off guard. But you've done really well keeping that corruption nature in there.

And then, the ending. There's the whole conflict, conflict resolved. :) You keep it simple, and you link it back to the original intentions. :) It's quite good.

(I'm not sure if this was only meant to be 3-4 sentences, but hey) :)

I love your writing style. I am not the biggest fan of this specific romance genre but surprisingly, I enjoyed it. You structured your words so well, it would hook any reader.

I love the concept of corruption, Pete's hunger and Ryan's innocence, and how everything just melts together.

Lovely work. :)

I really loved that this started at the end, made its way to the beginning and then came back around to the end. Like at the beginning, they were both of reminiscing about, it was really effective. I really enjoyed it. I don't normally read Pete/Ryan stories, I wouldn't even be exaggerating if I said this was the first one I've ever read, but I really enjoyed this anyway. I liked how Ryan's innocence and Pete's desire sort of fit together like a puzzle and even though things were pulling them apart, they were stuck together now. And the idea of corruption was pretty cool too because it kind of played on what Pete really wanted from this because I got the idea that Ryan would have wanted something serious with Pete, but if Pete only really wanted to "corrupt" him, it makes me wonder how this relationship would end. Not terribly, I hope. I loveee Ryan.

That is an amazing pairing. Do you know of any other Ryan/Pete pairings.