The Roll of the Dice - Comments

Wow...Just wow....So my only thing that I object to with the layout is that the black is hard to read on the brown. I really like it otherwise. I especially like the picture of the dice that you found. It fits with the story very well. I honestly wasn't sure what I was going to see when I read the story and then I started reading it and I fell in love. I love the end of the story especially. It's so powerful and sad and yet exciting. You want to know what is going to happen to this guy. You want to know if he's going to live or die and then it ends and it's that movie that you hate for ending without telling you, but you still want to watch again.

Speaking firstly about the layout. If I were to pick this story at random, I would immediately click out of it just because of the layout. The text runs in with your background photo, and the colors aren't complimentary, and I would recommend using a premade layout if you can't get someone to make a better one for you.

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The story itself. I'm not really interested in the prospect of gambling, so that makes me kind of biased on the topic of your story. But if I block out what it's actually about, I actually very much like your writing style. I kind of imagined him to be this type of guy sitting in a bar with a New York/Boston-type accent with a glass of whiskey in his hand as he spoke to the camera about his life. That's exactly what I pictured.

Just have to say first, I love the end of this. Okay... on with it...

It's written a little on the passive side, if you know what I mean. And that tends to make it a slow read. Try using more active verbs.

The whole idea of this is cute... and depressing. How it all revolves around gambling is good, and you tie it in nicely at the end. It's a well thought out, complete idea. My only thing is the middle, which gets a little muddy. Maybe give the narrater more of a voice. Have him have just a little bit of emotion as he describes everything.

Otherwise, I really liked this.

Great job!!

This is the judge of the contest you entered this for.

So...

JUDGING

First let me give you the one constructive criticism comment I have--the words sorta went into the dice picture, and I had to move my laptop around a little to see the words. BUT. I'm terrible at making layouts for stories and profiles--heck, I can't even get the picture on the layout at all--I can only move around the words. So, could ya' tell me how?

I'm getting off topic. Here's the good parts.

I always looked at that picture and said, "Yawn. It's nice," and flipped to a new picture. I always liked it, but not as much as different more elaborate ones that got me to think.

In your case, this was not a liability but something that gave you a better chance of winning. I had never thought of actually rolling the die one that picture. Never thought about how if you did, you saw a five, but you actually got a one. Never thought about how life is that way--just when some good luck "rolls" your way, your mind plays tricks on you. It gives you an "illusion". I love how the whole story was the luck of the draw, or roll, or whatever. I've heard many versions, and can't remember the right one. I love how it revolved around not just the picture, but the fact that it was an illusion, too. I was surprised at this outcome. So...as it says on the forum:

BONUS POINT!!!!!!!!!!!!

Good job. Sorry I have such a long comment, but I loved it--does that make up for it?