Just A Dream, Just A Game... - Comments

Another very awkward layout, as the text is even on top of the image making it unreadable. Clicking custom layout. :P

"Oh" you say, looking down at the blood spilling out of your chest and onto the concrete.
- Needs a comma after "oh". :)

Another really good concept, but with a little iffy structures so it doesn't deliver what it could. There's so much promise in the storyline and what you want to deliver, but the words don't quite do the story just. Too many new paragraphs, and it sort of gives the feel of a poem and not a story. Which would be awesome, except then suddenly we get a proper paragraph which reminds me of a story and not a poem. I'd like it to be one or the other, so that the flow stays intact.

I loved all the mystery and confusion in this, like neaither the narrator nor the reader knew exactly what was going on but it was too fascinating to stop.
I loved the constant questions asked to the reader, Everything was vague and you described the feelings and emotions very well.
Althought the last half of it was extremely hard to read due to the picture, i needed to highlight it to read it so maybe you should change that or maybe the colour of the font?
All in all i really liked this and your writing style <3

There's something about this I really liked - I can't really put a finger on it, but it's there and it's good.

I like the style you wrote it in - very well done.

The layout, though, was incredibly difficult to read. Maybe change it?

All-in-all, very good.

This is really good.
I enjoyed the writing, although sometimes I think you could've phrased your sentences a little bit differently so that sometimes it would flow better.
But, the idea was incredible, and the whole thing was really good.
The only thing is, the layout was really hard to read. I had to highlight the whole thing because I couldn't read it.
But, this was amazing. Great job. :)

This was breathtaking. And at the end you can see how it changes to something so much more, And then the picture at the bottom (call of duty, if I'm not mistaken) adds something to it. Great job. :)

It's tragic, it's illusive it's a whirlwind of confusion, the main character is confused and over all there is a strong sense of psychosis. e jump from a tragic scene to the jungle at random. And then the character rambles slightly and asks for confirmation that it's reality.

The feeling I get? He/She's insane. Possibly schizophrenic.

But I love your writing technique! :)
Now I feel a little crazy... :S (oh wait, I am psychologically insane! :D)

Okay.

"Oh" you say, looking down at the blood spilling out of your chest and onto the concrete.
Oh, like you've been killed in a video game: not real life.

This made my heart stop for a moment; I loved this line, and it did the story so much justice. It was poetic and beautiful. This, my friend, is a golden line.

I also liked "and you whisper so soft I have to lean to hear it," though I would have preferred soft written as "softly." Soft seems to slang-ish for the poetic theme you're using.

Other than that, after your character went into the jungle it seemed that the story dropped of any complete interest. I really loved the beginning, but after the friend dies you should just end the story there. The ending as it stands is scattered, but not in the harmonious calamity that the rest of the story was scattered with. It's just a whirlpool of phrases after that; the beginning was wonderful. The ending was lackluster.

This was poetic and tragic and I like the intermingling of real life and video games. But the background makes it difficult to read, and I had to switch it to default layout. Other than that though I'd say you did a pretty decent job with this.

This is very interesting, how you had it all about games and reality.
But you only have one life, not like the games. :)
it was good. Oh, I like the layout but at the end of the story you can't really see. Just wanted to tell you. Other than that, excellent. :D

I like the mystery behind this. I like how vague it all was -- I liked how you didn't really say who was hurting whom or why they were hurting the person. Very good.

I like how the narrator asks for the readers opinion, it had a nice touch to it although the use of the second person is not always my favourite. I thought you expressed the emotions of the narrator well and I enjoyed the way everything seemed to feel like it could be real and then could disintegrate in the next moment, it's a really beautiful way of perceiving things.
One thing though, if you don't mind me being honest, is that the layout makes the story difficult to read.