Let's Start This Over - Comments

LOVE it. Made me smile numerous times, but I also felt Sarah's pain and I understood her side of the situation. I didn't like her necessarily, but I enjoyed reading about her. As for the "Ryden" aspect, I found everything very realistic and believable. I loved this story.

xogabboesaurus

I really liked this story. The beginning was so adorable! And I like how Z was so carefree and didn't mind that Ryan wanted to be with Brendon instead. I felt bad for Sarah though. But the way Brendon didn't mind how she felt seemed very realistic. You have a very amazing use of description! I love this story! Way to go! :D

1. I love your sig, The Cure? =D
2. I would love Brendon & Ryan to be homosexual in real life. Awesome story. Loved how you made Z and Sarah have 2 different sides of the situation.

Z and Ryan's relationship is super-cool. XD The way you made Brendon just sort of ... let go of Sarah was done really well. He knows what he wants and now that he's finally going to get it he just wants to make everything easier.

And my gosh, Ryan and Brendon's conversation on New Year's Eve was too adorable, I think I almost died from the squee. And their kiss, when you said that there was "no desperation needed", I thought that was very sweet.

And I disagree with the comment above, I thought the summary was excellent. And whilst your descriptions of surroundings etc. are sparse, I quite like it. You focus more on the characters and their emotions and interactions, and I think that's what gives your writing so much emotion, what makes it so real.

layout;summary;

They layout is hard on thee eyes, the colors are good but I would make the words a darker color so they shew up better.

chapter one;

I love the tittle, that song makes me wanna dance. Just reading the words made me wanna sing the song.

Anyways....

I like the way the setting at the beginning. It's warm and cozy, even if that sounds corny.

But you keep jumping from past tense to present tense, although I don't know if you meant that or not.

I don't like how Brendon didn't really stand up for him self with Sarah. I feel as if he knows who he wants to be with so he should cut the crap and just tell her, and it shouldn't matter what she tells a magazine.

And I don't like how Ryan and Z act. It's...weird. At least to me.

Penny Lane was whining in her dog carrier in the backseat.

I thought the dogs name was Bogart of am I just missing something?

You should really work on Brendon. I don't want to say he's spineless but he won't stand up to Sarah, I get that he loves/ed her but still he shouldn't put up with that.

extra;

Stay in the right tense. You jumped back and forth rather a lot, most during Brendon's scenes. I thought the summary could have been a bit better, it doesn't really draw you in.

I liked your characters, they're very well rounded and realistic. You didn't act crazy and make them do things they normally wouldn't just because it's a fan-fic and you make the rules.

I would add a little more detail. If someone just read this without realizing what it was about it would be really hard to understand because of the lack of detail. We need some detail on looks and surroundings!

You obviously went through a lot with your editing so there really isn't anything to hate on there, and I loved that about this story. It's very hard-worked on which really made me like this even more.

Really it's hard to review this because reviewing means you have to point out bad things and I couldn't find anything to terribly bad here, except for the occasional confusion from the switching back and forth of P.O.V's and the lack of some detail.

I totally love it Dru...
I love Z's personality in this. It makes her seem so bountiful and zealous.

Written for a contest and written in two days with the deadline five days away. XD
Let me know what you think. I'm kind of iffy on it.

Comments are love<333

xoxox
-Dru