I like that there's description but not an overload of description. You describe what matters, like how the boy looks and the way he's positioned, but don't waste your time on unnecessary details like what the room looks like.
And everyday that this beautiful creature beside him is at his best, Brendon is at his worst. I really love this. The last half almost reads lyrically and it's beautiful. It actually reminds me of a song I can't think of right now. (Just remembered. It reminds me of "The Poison" by AAR.)
OOOOOOOOOOH. I thought this was Ryan and it's not. That's so wonderful. I love it. And since you convinced me it was Ryan then it's obvious that he looks like Ryan. I mean, you're the writer, but still. Ooooh, Brendon you bastard. I love you. I actually feel bad for Brendon. I mean, he wouldn't do it if he wasn't hurting. :(
I think it wouldn't hurt to start a new paragraph when you switch to present tense. It makes sense, but I think it would help the transition if it were a new paragraph.
This is so fucking sad. I'm going to subscribe and keep my fingers crossed for a happy ending or I'll just have to kill you.
And everyday that this beautiful creature beside him is at his best, Brendon is at his worst.
I really love this. The last half almost reads lyrically and it's beautiful. It actually reminds me of a song I can't think of right now. (Just remembered. It reminds me of "The Poison" by AAR.)
OOOOOOOOOOH. I thought this was Ryan and it's not. That's so wonderful. I love it. And since you convinced me it was Ryan then it's obvious that he looks like Ryan. I mean, you're the writer, but still. Ooooh, Brendon you bastard. I love you. I actually feel bad for Brendon. I mean, he wouldn't do it if he wasn't hurting. :(
I think it wouldn't hurt to start a new paragraph when you switch to present tense. It makes sense, but I think it would help the transition if it were a new paragraph.
This is so fucking sad. I'm going to subscribe and keep my fingers crossed for a happy ending or I'll just have to kill you.