Lane's Story - Comments

I really love the introduction to this story and how you get the point across that her life is just average. She has trouble parents, and her life isn't perfect, but she's trying to make the best of it. She daydreams and she thinks of what she wants her life to be like, but she knows what it's like.

And this story definitely has an edge to it. It's not one of those stories that are scattered everywhere. It has one main topic and the character's mind stays on that. She definitely is sarcastic and has a witty mind. I can't wait to hear about what other trouble she gets herself into.

Because she does seem like the type of girl to get in a lot of trouble. And I can't believe that I feel like I know your character's day-dream attitude just by reading the first chapter. This story is definitely going somewhere.

By the way, the summary was really intriguing. I just had to read this.

Can't wait to read more. Good job!

Story Review Game

Layout:
I think the layout's very nice and simple, and I like that it's low-key and doesn't detract from the story.

Summary:
I liked how you wrote it, very straightforward and as if the narrator - Lane - is the kind of person I identify with. The kind of person who's like, "Whether you like it or not, I'm gonna do what I'm gonna do." The only thing I could suggest is maybe breaking it up into small paragraphs/lines. It might give it more punch.

Content:
In the opening of the story, I was about to say "oh God, this is so, so cliche" and then you completely pulled the rug out from under me. Good job. :)

May I suggest putting thoughts in italics instead of quotes? It might make it neater to the reader and easier for them to follow.

The Dad twist was nice and added something to it. And I liked that Lane admitted that people dream about the kind of life she had, but very few people got it, and while it wasn't cookie-cutter perfect, it was good enough for her. It makes her realistic and humble, and I admire that.

Grammar note: you forgot a word in the last sentence. I had absolutely no desire to be Ashley's BFF.

All-in-all, very well done, and it'll be interesting to see where this goes. If you handle it correctly, it has a lot of potential.

Could you return the favor on Never Just One or Lyrical Soul please? :)

This is so cool! the layout is very simple yet pretty.
I really like this idea, it's really cool. :) You can count me as a subscriber! :D