Demons and Angels: An Un-Found Origin - Comments

Execellent work! You've really improved on your writing techniques and style! And argh, Elijah & Caleb = sexiness! LOL
Keep up the great work! :)

You're doing real well love! Can you just wrap Elijah up and send him to me, please? :)
Also, I've got another friendly tip for you.
When describing what your character is doing, don't always use 'I'. Try and refrain from doing that so much because repetition gets a little boring and stops the flow you've created. To help, I've copied a paragraph from the latest chappy and rearranged it so it flows.

"I put on my scented lotion and perfume to match.
I slid into the dress and zipped it up.
I put the chocker on and painted my nails.
I ran them under cold water so they would dry faster and put on some fingerless gloves."

The above is yours, below is mine.

"Before stepping into the dress and zipping it up, I rubbed some scented lotion and perfume to match into my skin. Grabbing the chocker I had picked from earlier, I placed it around my neck, making sure it sat perfectly around my jugular. Next were my nails. Painting them easily, I ran them under cold water to dry them quicker before slipping my hands into a pair of fingerless gloves."

Anyway, besides that little note, GREAT JOB! :)

Thanks I wil l do that!!!! :)

You've really got something going here, but I just have a little tip for you.
Don't write a brief summary of what happens in the short description. It ruins the effect of having to actually read the next chapter.
If you want you could write a line of what's been said in the chapter in the short description or you could do a little recap of what happened in the last chapter. Which, is what you done.
But, besides that. Well done. :)
*suscribes.*

thanks for the comment!!!

I don't know now what i think of it.
Maybe if you have a few other chapters going on:P
But for not subscribing