On Sunset Strip - Comments

That was so sad. Actually crying. I loved it. ='(

That literally made my heart stop. It was so beautiful. The very last line made me want to cry...my eyes are starting to sting...haha. (:

Incredibly moving. I loved it.

[PS: Props for the My Chem reference :p]

xogabbiesaurus

This was amazing, and the ending was very emotional. I hate sad endings, but yours just seemed perfect.

This was just amazing.
I love how you introduce both characters and their intent, I really do.
The way they talk is magical and their actions are just amazing.

The ending breaks my heart, it really does.
I really wish it'd worked out for them,.

God, the ending made me want to cry.

I like how at the beginning you've repeated '_ finds a boy on Sunset Strip' and then a quick discription of the other boy, it really defines how the story isn't about a person finding someone looking to hook up, it's about how Ryan and Brendan find each other and then lose each other.

Anyone else might be fooled by Brendon is more skilled
Is that meant to be 'but'?

Brendan and Ryan both seem really vulnerable there, which I think works really well, how you've described them both as 'boys' instead of 'teenages'. And Ryan's internal questioning halfway through was adorable.

I also love how both Ryan and Brendan's eyes are described as something sweet - toffee and chocolate. It works really well I think, since eyes are meant to be the windows of the soul, so those metaphors could show that both of them are trying to appear tough and... experienced, but are really just young and scared and can easily melt.

And the ending. God, it's so heartbreaking! Yet it's beautiful in a way, as well. The finale paragraph really sums up how cruel fate is sometimes.

So yeah, I really love this piece.

The ending made me so upset. I felt like crying and yelling at my computer screen, even though that wouldn't have helped or made you change what you have written. And I would never want you to change this beautiful piece, no matter how beautiful it is.

The opening is great, and it really brought me into the story. The fact that you first list what Ryan sees, and then describe what Brendon sees through his eyes. It made me feel like they were connecting and really absorbing the other's features.

And I love how Brendon seems to read Ryan's motions and gestures as if they are his own. He knows exactly who this boy is without knowing him, and it gives off this feeling that they are perfect for each other. Like Brendon has been through something similar. Perhaps he has wandered the streets and lied like Ryan has when he was younger. Maybe even a couple weeks ago.

It's so different to see both of them so hesitant, especially Brendon. He just seems to young and fragile and gentle. He just about gives off this soft bluish aura. He's afraid of what they are going to do. It's more like he's afraid of what he's going to lose. And it's ironic that he loses everything in the end after he was so scared of losing his virginity.

This story made my heart swell, just because it's that heartbreak that somebody goes through after they meet the love of their life and only have about one night alone with the person that he loves. So many teenagers and other young people go through what Brendon and Ryan had to go through.

It makes me want to know how Ryan feels about all of this and how he's going to react, though.

It's a great piece of work. Great job, Dru!

new story.
started in texas and finished last night at 2:30 am.

comments are love<333

xoxox
-dru