Amazed by the photo hehe 
March 9th, 2013 at 01:21am
I like the idea behind this story.
There were a couple of paragraphs where part of the last line was made into a new paragraph, although I think that's a computer error, from transferring it to the Mibbian story box from wherever it was you wrote it- happens to me sometimes. There was also a couple of typos, but they weren't really a big deal. My main criticism is that in here you tended to "tell", not "show". Instead of being able to envision the events based on your writing, it was more like an info dump.
I don't want you to think that I only have criticisms, though. >.> Because I don't.
The idea was really interesting, and I like how you incorporated the lyrics into the story. The lyrics that you chose were really interesting, and tied into the overall story, making me glad you chose them. It bugs the crap out of me when people choose random lyrics from the artist that have nothing to do with anything besides it's by that particular band members' band.
I also really like the layout. 'Twas interesting.
I hope that this makes sense outside of my head. >.> Sorry if it doesn't; just tell me what doesn't, and I'll try to explain it better.
