Past - Comments

First of all I'm sorry that it's taken me so long to judge this!

Now on to the review...

I thought this was really well done, I didn't read the first one and it still made sense so that's a plus. I liked the concept and the storyline, that was good (but then again when is slash ever bad?). I also like how the song inspired the story, but you weren't blatantly obvious. I hate reading song-fics that are just retellings of the songs. I didn't notice any grammar or spelling errors. I agree with that other review up there about the line "Someone had to..." it makes you want to find out why no one else would say goodbye to Ryan.

I'd just like to point out that I love everything you write, seriously, I haven't read a story of ours that I don't like. You are one of my favourite mibba authors and I'm just going to take a moment to say how awesome you are :D -----You're awesome!!!! ------

Normally I try to give some sort of constructive criticism to help improve, but this story needs no improvement. So, I guess my job is done. I'll probably have the results up soon, thanks for entering.

Awes! That was so heartbreaking, but beautiful. I read the prequel too and it just seems unfair. Poor boys. *shakes head*

There were a few pieces of description I really liked, like here: They were just friends when they went to movies or to dinner and they were only lovers when they were pressed close together in a sweaty heap on Pete’s bed. I like how it defines the two relationships as separate entities that shouldn't intertwine – even without actually coming out and saying that they should be kept apart. This line, I think, has a lot of hidden tones in it. I loved that.

I found a bit of the narration redundant – the parts stressing that Ryan didn't want to deal with Pete at that moment and the parts stressing that Ryan and Pete engaged in two different and separate kinds of relationships (and some parts towards the end). It got a bit tedious to read, especially since those were points you made clear the first time. By repeating it, you kind of lessened the impact.

I don't know if it was intentional or not, but I really like how this lines seems to say more than you're letting on: “Thanks for coming to see me off.” Ryan said... “Someone had to,” Pete said.... Just reading it makes me thinks that there's something more there, makes me curious about why no one else is there to see Ryan off. It makes me want to read more and learn more about Ryan and his other relationships (relationships outside of Pete).