Conversations on a Thursday Afternoon - Comments

I love the theme of this story, I love the whole mood to it. It is very well written and has an amazing story to it I am sad that it is only a one shot because I would have loved to kept reading it overall well done

I just love the mood of this piece.
It's incredibly cute and laid back until the end where the whole "paranoia" comes in.
Amazing Dru, really fucking amazing.

This is really good. I liked it a lot. I love how you wrote about Ryan thinking that he was smarter than Brendon, but it was rather subtle hints, which I thought added a nice touch. I think them smoking pot together actually went well. I think it added me depth to their conversations and for Brendon to say things that he probably wouldn't have been comfortable with. Like when he told Ryan that he thought that Ryan would probably leave him. I found that so absolutely heartbreaking. I really hope Ryan meant what he said when he promised that he wouldn’t, but like it said, maybe it was just the weed.

Anyway, this is fantastic. I love your writing; I always feel like you take a perfect moment in time and warp them into fantastic stories, whether or not they happened in real life. I also love the layout and the title is perfect!

I really like the layout. I myself have no idea how to make fancy, sophisticated banners that aren't regular, plain-old JPG files, but I'm always happy when they aren't obnoxious and overpowered by writing.

I love the Alice In Wonderland allusion (I mean to spell it that way). I'm pretty fascinated with Alice In Wonderland. And I love how Ryan was hungry when he was high. From my personal experience with pot users, they eat a lot. A lot.

The dogs were running around the backyard. It was officially night time, but the light went out later in California it seemed. The sun had been gone for at least half an hour, but the sky still had light blues and pinks in it.

I love when the sky is like that. It's barely like that in Virginia, where I'm from, but it's still nice when it occasionally happens.

This little one shot has the perfect amount of detail. It's not overpowered by description, and it doesn't have the "bare minimum".

I really like this.

This comment is going to be crap. But I love how you can make a simple piece about two boys just smoking pot and talking into something so much more. I actually kind of felt sorry for Brendon; I got the feeling that he was more invested in the relationship than Ryan was. I certainly wasn't expecting that ending either; like the comment above me said, it just kind of jolted me out of that lull I was getting into. I think it was the perfect way to end it and I really have nothing to suggest. This was amazing.
[/crap comment]

This was so. . . Intensely interesting, even though it was just two boys pondering about the future. And the ending was so bittersweet, just shocking us right out of the little reverie we were in reading it. This was amazing, Dru.

Story Review Game

So before I comment on this, I just want to let you know that I have zero clue who this is about--because I'm guessing it's fanfiction. But yeah. Onward!

Layout
I like the photo a lot, the text looks very interesting--and seeing as it's the title, I also like the title as well. Very...unique? I'm not sure what I want to say here, but nonetheless I like it. I also like the color scheme you've got going on here.

Content
So they weren't doing anything, just breathing, inhaling, enjoying each other and the drug coursing through their bloodstreams. I think you should add an 'and' before enjoying.

Also, can I say that I've always liked your writing. I know I've read some of your pieces, though I don't remember which ones--but they've always been extremely well written even if I have no idea who they're about. You've got a great vibe to your writing, it flows and gives a kind of...airy feel.

I love the Alice in Wonderland reference. I don't know much about smoking weed[I'm assuming that's the drug they're on] but from the way you describe it, it just sounds quite accurate. And everyone always associates drugs and Alice together--so that just seems perfect to me. It works very well.

But even with his--as he felt--vastly superior understand of conversation, Ryan still could be startled enough to yelp when he felt two fingers pinching the skin on his arm I think 'understand' should be 'understanding'.

I like the subtle humor to this. A lot of my friends smoke weed a lot when I'm with them and they always are hilarious with it. Oh, and the munchies. Can't forget that. This story is actually making me quite hungry.

He looked and sound excited in spite of himself and Brendon grinned, happy to see Ryan visibly happy even if it was because of the munchies. Change 'sound' to 'sounded'?

I like the odd quotes you have thrown in there. Whether they're from a song that inspired this or you made them up, either way they're very beautiful.

Honestly, I've always thought that homosexual relationships would be better than heterosexual relationships. In most cases you're best friends with someone of the same sex as you and being in a relationship with someone who is your best friend would be awesome. Considering you'd be with someone who has the same body and what not as you, you can just be so comfortable around them. I like the way you display their friendship but also the love between the two of them. You can tell that they both love each other very much but are also best friends.

That last paragraph is depressing! Dammit, I was enjoying the feel of this and how sweet it all was. Now I'm sad that Ryan might possibly leave Brendon. *shakes fist* In any case, this was a lovely piece. :)

vastly superior understand of conversation - understanding?

and sound - sounded

We never get any time this, Bren. - I think there may be a word missing in there... :)

For being so damn perceptive with a pen, Ryan really didn't catch the heavy hints. - I really liked this line and how there's an obvious contrast within character, it's quite neat. :)

As soon as I read Rabbit, I was thinking, oh, okay...a bit of Alice will be in here, and I don't know much about Alice in Wonderland and Panic at the Disco, so I shall ask a question and continue on about it. Do the guys like Alice in Wonderland or is it just something that was appropriate to put in there? (That's not meant to sound like a point of criticism, just curious). :) Because if they're not fans or such, and you've used the Rabbit/Alice for the sake of the story, I think it works quite well. Like, it's drugs, and from what people say about Alice, it's like a drug trip right. :)

I also like how you've used lyrics to the song at the beginning of each break, I think it shows off a poetic way to what you go ahead and write, and where the lyrics may get you wondering, your writing puts it forth right there.

And Brendon didn't mean to be paranoid when Ryan offered him greens, but it certainly seemed like a peace offering and an apology for a lie. But if it was, even Ryan didn't realize it at the time. - And I really liked this paragraph. I just went on to song meanings and read through what people wrote about the lyrics, and there's the whole thing about the weather, and someone said something about people changing - possibly like the weather. And I thought about it, and that last line you've got there, But if it was, even Ryan didn't realize it at the time, somehow hints at that idea. Maybe he's going to change, or they're both going to change, etc. (Or I just read too much into it, or something).

And, lastly, I really like how you've written this. I like the lyrics then the scenes/scenarios. I like the dialogue and how you describe the two guys. It's like you write what needs to be written kinda thing. :)

Written for a contest.
I basically broke it down like this.
If I had to write a song from AFYCSO it would be I'm in love with Brendon and coping with teenage angst bullshit. If I had to write a song from PO it would be I'm in love with Brendon and smoke a lot of weed, so that's what you get.

Comments are love<333

xoxox
-Dru