All Children, Except One, Grow Up. - Comments

Title:I love the sense of familiarity with the title. For one I thought of the movie and two it reminded me of myself, not wanting to grow up.

Layout:I’ll admit I don’t really care for it. I think you chose a great banner but green text on a black background made it difficult to read.

Content: You really sounded like Peter Pan in some places. Like in the beginning when he told her to believe, it really sounded like something he would say. I love how you wrote this in his point of view, a few years after the movie took place. I had always wondered what he would do and you wrote it down! Haha

I think you should have reviewed this first though because it was a bit confusing. I did enjoy reading this, it was fun.

I would rate this story a 6 out of 10. (But before you go on reading, I will warn you I am a hard critic!) This was an interesting and "cute" story probably written by a new writer (I didn't check your age) I believe there is several things you could improve upon such as description, elaboration, originality, and character development.

Practically everything in this story has already been used in Peter Pan, the plot, the scenes, and even some of the lines were repeated in books and movies if altered only a little bit. I think when writing something like this, you should definitely stick to the story but try to add some more originality to the story such as the transition from Peter Pan 1 and 2. Basically the same plot happened, but the stories were different in a way and this one...was not very different.

Peter comes, takes a girl, meets the boys, struggles with whether where to live, and then eventually returns to Neverland with Wendy’s blessing, this has been done.

I also have a problem with the characters; the readers above say they liked the connection between Peter and the girls. But I had a problem, I liked the connection sure, but the girls didn't seem real to me. You should never have a character, "just there" as you put it like Jane. If the character has no purpose, do not include it. You played both Jane and Wendy off as the uninvolved mothers...and the background characters, and that would have been fine if you stepped it up with either Peter or...the smallest girl, but there was really NO standoff character in this whole thing. So it was very lacking in that extra, fairy dust, shall we say.

I'm sorry to be such a harsh critic, but its people like me that make better writers and I hope that you take my advice and words and try to correct yourself rather than getting mad, I don't intend to upset you and I'm sorry if I may have. Good luck!

P.S-I am one of the co-editors of the Darker than Disney contest which is why I am writing this review, just to let you know. :D

Dang I knew I forgot something; I like how real the scene is when he's confused over staying or leaving because the reader could actulally picture him doing that.

Judging time writer, for the "because fairy tales... Contest" you also entered this in so might want to put that link in there somewhere too. I'm going to have to say keep it as a one-shot that way the readers can imagine want would actually happen if Peter and the lost boys ever really did decide on growing up and leaving neverland. The descriptions were awesome and i also saw that you fixed the font color. I like how you tied in the Wendy/Peter bits from the first movie and the friendship of Jane/Peter from the second to Jane having a daughter just finding out about Peter. I also thought her flying parts were so cute. Well that's all from this judge.

AND MY Name Isn't Alexandria , Its Aneesah

Wow, That Was Great!! Plz....Make Another One Soon!!!!

This was so, so lovely. Even if you could have used a little more description on this piece to make the imagery a little better, I still love this. I've always been a big fan of Peter Pan and couldn't help but feel sad for him about Wendy and the confusion as to whether or not he should stay or leave.

Great job!

i adore peter pan! i loved this! very talented!

lighten up the green font a little, im old :[

but it was good

This was very cute & very well written. :)

I love this so much. I really do. I love Peter so much, and this story made me so happy. The connection between the girls, like said in the comment above me, and Peter is so...you know everlasting. I really hope you have a sequel. :D

I think this was incredible cute. I loved the confusion in Peter's head about whether he should grow up or not. And I liked his connection with all the girls. It was really sweet. I think you should do a sequel. I want to know what he would do. I also really like how Peter WANTS to grow up for once, but he also wants to stay in Wonderland. It adds a lot to the character and it shows he's actually growing up a little bit.