Picture Perfect - Comments

THAT WAS GREAT! NOW YOU JUST NEED TO UPDATE!
WOW I WOULD LOVE TO BE A CHARACTER IN ONE OF YOUR STORY'S!
CAN I CAN I??

The entire thing was pretty much like the first sentence. Beautiful, flowing, and just plain amazing. The only thing I have to criticize is that sometimes the punctuation is off...an apstrophe in its (possessive, not contraction) and a few missing where they should be, plus a couple missing commas.

Everything about it just blew me away...it was elegant, descriptive and perfect. Everything was so perfectly surreal and eloquent. The family and the daughter is so stereotypical, American Dream-esque. You said it perfectly with the 1950's sitcom comment.

It's obvious that Marie dislikes her life...but not overly so. It was done well, naturally, and it shows how she knows it's just a lie. I also liked the fact she was blonde and blue-eyed. It fit very well.

I couldn't tell well, though, what happened when her parents went to the country club...she got together with her friends? I noticed that in that section, you used massacre instead of mascara. (I wouldn't have pointed it out, but it kind of makes it sound different. :shifty)

You made the other girls reject her perfectly, so realistically. It sounded like it was actually happening, how they silently turned away.

"She was living in a movie set, perfect in every way with not even the slightest trace of the life that had supposedly inhabited it."
That was by far my favorite line. It's just so perfect...I can't describe it. It's amazing.

Her finding the knife was unexpected and beautiful and amazingly done. How she knew it was too perfect....

This is a beautiful oneshot, and you are one of the best writers that I've ever read.

Oh mon dieu! At least now I know why you wouldn't let me know what it was about...just...wow. And you know what? It mad an impact on me, especially the bloodstained note. I'm not exaggerating, I started at that one line for about four minutes straight.

Because its true. I suppose you really took it to the extreme (very tastefully, might I add) to get the point across, but stuff like that happens all the time. I don't know about Australia, but it happens here, in India. It happened in New Jersey, too. The girl I knew didn't kill herself, but she was the model litle girl. Chess club, soccer, set to be a doctor and she got into drugs. It's always the ones you least expect. And your story chills me to the bone. That the idea of perfection of success can be so sickening, that the "ideal human" is anything but human...mon dieu Chelsea...you're amazing.

^^ Thank you both for the great reviews.

I chose to leave out the summary because when I posted the story it was 1am and my brain had basically shut down on itself, plus I had no idea what to write without giving the whole plotline of it away.

I used the idea of a doctor and medicine history as doctors are usually successful. It was the characters father who was the doctor however. Her mother was simply a replica of what is considered as a Stedford wife to complete the image of what is a picture perfect life, that is of course non-existant.

:cheese: If you'd only write a summary.

The fact that it has no summary is the only thing I could think of that's wrong with this story. It is picture perfect.
Have you ever seen those over-edited, over-filtered, over-photoshoped pictures of simple subjects ? Your story is like that. You tell a story that's just so simple and clear to each of us, it's almost cliche and yet you do it an over-flamboyant style. Over doing every aspect of it. Too much detail in the surroundings and un-important things. Too much time and words waisted on useless actions and useless portraits. A cynic like me could sum up your whole story in 4 sentences. And still, still it doesn't fail to grab your attention and to pull you in what you identified as a carbon copy of reality. We all like over-done pictures and we all love your stories.

As an extra note, my mom is actually a doctor and so I know lots of people in the field, and yet I've never met a perfection freak. It's just a myth.

w000t. I get to make the topic!
So. All pwning and stfuing aside. This was amazingly beautiful.
The imagery of the life, the home, the people. Painted a picture in your mind. (No pun intended.)
I loveloveloved the last line. It was so...short and to the point. Ironic, almost.

It was amazingly just...agiheihseriughsgeusgher how realistic this is, too.
The perfect, spotless, always happy family idea doesn't always work out - does it?

Loved it.