Got A Secret? - Comments

i'm loving the frequent updates! I love that jordan tried to bring his mom into it!!

I freaking love this story. Cant wait for more

aw, I really really love this story. You have such an original way of writing,
please update soon :)

loved the guy's reactions
loved the update!

GAAAAAAAAAH! OMFGHJSDIFDHVSIDUFVLIUFBLVIUDSFVIUDF
That's some crazy shit right there, man. yikes.
I hope they stay strong! I'm super worried now.
I have no idea how you keep you muse going since Crosby is gone! ugh.lol

Great update! this is when things start to get really interesting

I love this story. I can't believe that she is going to play for the capitals. Can u say awkward?

Oh god, I knew this was coming! interesting twist though and I'm still liking how this is turning out :)

aww, that's sad. she left him. cant wait to see what happens next. update soon! :]

Just played catch up and read like four chapters.
They were good.
I CAN'T BELIEVE IT!
She went to the caps. of all the places the caps.
poor sidney.
Can't wait to read more.

This is an interesting idea, and a refreshing change from everything I typically see on Mibba. There are just a few things I would mention that would be really easy to fix and make it a lot smoother to read.

Firstly, you have a few technical issues with your dialogue. The most common offenders are lines without fullstops, or with fullstops after the inverted commas, like this:

“You have to step up your game, use your womanly ways”.
“You make it sound like I’m trying to seduce him, I just want a proper conversation” I groan flopping down onto my bed.

Here the first line should have the inverted commas after the fullstop (.") while the second needs a comma before the inverted commas (,"). As you separate the rest of your paragraphs with a blank line, I would also insert one between new speakers as well, just to be internally consistent.

The other thing that threw me right at the beginning of the first chapter was that some text was in italics and some wasn't, and there wasn't much of a clue given in terms of describing the setting of each section, etc. as to why this was. I assumed it was because we were changing scenes, or the earlier part in italics was a flashback. If this is the case, then when we switch from having the conversation with the journalist and the conversation with the person who wants Keller to use her 'womanly ways', you would probably do well to introduce the second speaker, or to describe visually the difference between the two places and times, and what Keller was doing in each scene other than talking. For similar reasons, I also think you could do with a little more explanation around your dialogue generally.

Overall, though, I think the story is structured well, and the lines you give each character are certainly nothing to complain about. Everything is very realistically developed- I just think that with a little polish to your format you could show it off much better.

You have 87 comments on this story congrats!
i'm glad to see she left! she'll be great with ovi
also great updates!

You have 87 comments on this story congrats!
i'm glad to see she left! she'll be great with ovi
also great updates!

I'm extremely sad that she is leaving the Penguins but I cannot wait to see what will happen when she is with the Capitals! Update soon please!

Wow this is pretty freaking sweet. You make Geno so f'ing awesome!

I'm glad she went to the Capitals! As much as I dislike them. :)
What is a Staal mood?

I'm glad she's decided to take one for the team, so to speak. That has to be horrible though, to have to give up something you love for a while, just to help the team.

To most that would be heartbreaking, but I'm loving this new plot line, great writing. Next chapter today? Please! (:

NOOOOOO!!!!!
So sad!! D:

oh gosh. keller, keller, keller. all i know is that if she starts liking ovechkin there's gonna be some serious internet slappage going on over here! :P update again soon!