Between the Lines - Comments

I can see why this won! The quality of your writing is unbelievable. I don't usually read fanfiction like this but I really liked this one. The interaction between Brendon and Ryan was really cute. All in all, I loved the story. Good job!

Layout: 8/10
Grammar: 10/10
Title Creativity: 9/10
Overall: 9/10

This story was amazing. I loved the interaction between Ryan and Brendon through every word. Your word choice and grammar was excellent! The layout was very simple and cute, but we gave it an 8/10 because we didn't know how it fit into the song/story. However, we thought the banner and the quote just below it fit together perfectly. We gave the title a 9/10 because we didn't think it went completely with the song/story, but once we started reading, we decided it meant "read between the sex." Great work!

I'm sorry this is so late. :\ But here is 1/2 of your comments! (I'll get the other one up ASAP!)

I really like the flashbacks in the italics. It really brings a lot to the story without seeming forced and without creating a bunch of exposition. I think without them, there would be unanswered questions and stories with those don't seem complete. This definitely does. I must also say I love the ending. I'm a hopeless romantic and so throughout I was bummed because I thought they weren't going to be together, but I was happy to see at the end that they were.

A couple things I questioned was a) is this before or after Jon and Ryan left? I'm assuming after because of the way Ryan talks about the song, but I can't be sure. b) Are Sarah and Z real? I'm sorry, I don't know a whole lot about PATD to know they're personal lives. This isn't a question on whether it belonged in the story, but just my own curiosity. Doesn't even belong in the author's note since I'm assuming most people who read PATD stories would know. The only other thing I have to say is a couple grammar errors, but that's it.

I really loved this story, I think you did a wonderful job! :)

Honestly, I have no criticism for this. It was wonderful. It was a little confusing with the italics. Like was one the present, and the other a flashback?

Regardless, here is your score:
10/10 Originality (Is your storyline original?)
10/10 Correct Grammar/Spelling
8/10 Compatiblity with the song (Does the plotline fit with your song of choice?)
10/10 Appropriateness (Does it follow the rules?)
9.75/10 Character Development (Do your characters stay the same throughout the story?)
9.5/10 Flow (Do you use transitions?)
8.5/10 Format (Does it stay consistant throughout?)
10/10 Layout (Is your font easy to read?)

TOTAL: 75.75 / 80

Great job! I love your writing style!

The first thing I'm going to say is that I'm not really into slashes, but the one you wrote for my contest and this one I liked. You word everything wonderfully and I could see it all in my mind. I do have one question... was the italics the present and the regular the flashback? It was a little confusing for me, but I was intrigued enough to continue reading and was happy that they got back together at the end. Great job!

This is great (: I really liked it. I'll probably read it again, so you'll probably get another, more deep comment from me. :P
I liked the ending a lot. There was just something to it, I just love it.
Brownie points for the link, and for the use of lyrics. Great story all together.

I really like the title of this, and the layout is gorgeous <3
an odd beginning, but I really liked it still
I love the name Ryden too, I find it unique and <3
ahh boys and sex... it's like a drug to them
bu that's the case with some girls too...
dang! three wet dreams and second hangover? boy likes to party...
well, at least he has enough sense to know it's not good
oh damn, kinda harsh. they're comparing her to a blow up doll? oh jeez..
I like these little flashbacks you have randomly
he's thinking about drinking already at 9? jeez
haha I like how Brenden just invited himself over xD
I like the relationship between Ryan and Brenden,
it's very... I don't know how to describe it.. just confusing for both of them
they seem to fight a lot too. I'm curious to as what you're going to do for the end..
aww they're kissing <3 :)
i thought this was really, really, really good! I just liked the end too <3
I'm a sap for happy ending xD
just great, great job :)

Sooo, as you may or may not know, I'm not a huge Ryden fan - wait, are they from Panic! or something? xD I dunno - or slash fan or fanfic fan at all. I rarely read fanfic, but my God, this one has to be my favorite by you. It was amazing. I do notice that, when your write this kind of stuff, that you leave questions unanswered and you don't always explain everything. I honestly don't expect - with fanfics, at least - that at all, but hey, I guess I should start expecting awesome stuff like that from you (: Btw, I loved how you ended this. Truly expected and I won't lie, it made me a cry a little bit. I'm a huge sap, haha!
Lovely job, hun (: <3

I don't really know what else to say except that I really loved it. I like that you're writing leaves questions and doesn't always fully explain what the characters mean.

It kind of shocked me that it ended when it did. I think I just wish it gave a more concrete answer as to where Ryan and Brendon are now in their relationship.

I liked this a lot. I loved the two stories going on at the same time. I actually liked the italics part more than the other one. The part in italics seemed real and raw while the other part seemed almost like a fairytale, like a made-up scenario that Ryan really wanted to happen but he may not have necessarily been strong enough to call him that morning at the lcbo. I don't know, that's sort of what I got and I thought it was really interesting that you had the parts that I took as reality in italics and the parts that I think are more "fantasy" in normal text. It was like you were trying to trick as to what really happened and based on what you laid out for us, we kind of had to choose what was real and what wasn't. I really liked it because I didn't just read this, I analyzed and deciphered every word and you just dot get that very often on this site. Everything is just laid out in front of you like we can't read between the lines (lol, pun) and you finally gave your readers the credit that some of them deserve.

I sincerely hope I'm completely wrong with this because I'll look like the biggest idiot.

This is really cool, actually. I tend to stray away from fanfiction.
Your layout is really well done, and your title is great too. Needless to say, I like it already.
Theres a lot of emotion in this and your writing is flawless, there aren't any errors and this was an interesting read. (:

"I wrote you an album." Yes, that was a perfect line. Not "I wrote you a song." "I wrote you an album." Yes. Dramatic and loving and intense. Yes, that was perfect line.

This comment is for the swap.

Layout:
I really like how the layout is really simple and in nice shades of green, and the banner is rather pretty, in my opinion.

Summary:
"I wrote you an album." - Can I just say that I love this line? It's so frigging cute. <3
The summary itself is really beautifully worded and it's very poetic. I love how you did that.

Content:
I'm not one for Rydon, really, but I do love your writing, so I'm definitely looking forward to this. Plus, I'm always looking for good new stories.
Anyways, the first part in italics intrigues me. I sense a lot of tension, but also a real closeness between Ryan and Brendon - and not just because they had explicitly implied they had sex or some sort of sexual relations. It's hard to describe.
The next part - Ryan's hungover thoughts and everything - is a major contrast to the first part, but it's not too much of a difference. I mean, as in it doesn't confuse me at all, and it makes sense being there.
Ryan's honesty makes me like him more. I admire the fact that he's honest.
Brendon's confession about writing the album was just heartwarming and perfect and I love how you made him seem shy even when he's so confident. This difference is so awesomely done and it's so real.

All-in-All:
I thought this was great, but I'm not too experienced with Ryan and Brendon as characters, so they could be incredibly OOC and I wouldn't notice. I've seen the amount you've written with these two involved, and I'm assuming you've got a great handle on them, so I doubt you've got to worry about that.
Nice job, and your writing style is really rather addictive. I'm going to have to check out more of your stuff.
But really, this was awesome.

For the comment swap:
I love how you've got two different parts going on; the italiced and non-italic parts. I really love stories like that, with almost two lines going on at once, and you've pulled it off really well, it really shows how the two interact with each other, and shows a lot about their relationship. The way the italic and non-italtic parts flow together works beautifully.

"I-I wrote you an album," he said softly, uncertain. "If that's . . . I mean, it's for you, Ry. Every time."
This line really really stands out to me for some reason. Like, the way Brendan's so unsure and almost shy, which is a great contrast to how he was earlier when they were having sex. For me, it really helps show the complexity of the relationship, of how they can go from sex to arguing to feeling confused, like it's a cycle of theirs.

This is pretty amazing. Not guna lie. I really enjoyed this(:

I think I'm in love with your writing. I have never been into reading Ryden. I think because you kind of make fun of Sarah it's just enjoyable. Normally all other writers (from what I've read anyways) always just make Ryden about sex. You dont, which is nice. I just wish they would get together in real life.

I can really relate to this, for some reason.
My favorite parts were the italics, and this part in the beginning

/"And it wasn't 'vulgar' when I had my fist up your ass?"

Ryan took another drag. "No, it wasn't. Because I knew what you were saying."/

was the best. It says so much in so little words.

I love all your fics but I'm more attached to the fantasy ones. But this one strikes the heart, I don't know why, and I haven't felt that in a non-fantasy of yours since S/he and the one with the answering machine. And the one about looking forward.

It's painful and confused and sometimes you really can't explain any better than that. It's wonderful in an aching way.

I love this story, in a kind of half-way way, which I know makes no sense. i mean, i love the story but its not exactly a happy story. and know i'm sounding retarded so I'm going to go now. >.>
just wanted to let you know I like it.

new story. written in about 45 minutes after a smoke break. it's very understated. (at least, i think it's understated.) so i'd love to know what you get out of the story and how you think it ended.

xoxox
-dru