Make-Out Kids - Comments

Just saying it right out, Jordan's adorable.! I can only assume he's like the drama kids I know.

I understand her not liking people to look at her, even though she's in drama. I took drama my sophomore year, and because I felt like it may cause me to cry, I didn't do my final because I didn't want to cry in class... Hopefully, my teacher won't remember that cause I have her this year for Stagecraft. She's wonderful, so I an only assume these drama people will be quirky.

I'm actually really interested in seeing where this goes. Good job!

I love the concept of this story. I'm a theatre kid as well, so I can really relate to Delilah! I saw a few grammar errors, but nothing that writing practice can't fix.

Personally, I don't think you should introduce Delilah's mom as "Mrs. Sanchez," because it's pretty much assumed that if Delilah's last name is Sanchez, that's her mother's name as well.

Also, "Carson high was just up the street from my house," should be "Carson High was just up the street from my house."

Other than that, everything was lovely! You really captured the air of high school life, which is difficult for some writers. Keep up the good work!

I really really loved this story(: Delilah is a good sport about switching schools in the middle of the year, and she's a theatre person which I love even more. It seems as if Jordan is one of the popular kids in school, seeing as everyone started to care about her when they were together, wondering if they together and even some jealous girls insulting her and her outfit. Nicely written overall, can't wait for more(:

Old comment from before

"Well there isn't really much to go on yet but I do like the layout the girl fliping of the guy with the camara is pretty nice it kind of gives me the vib that though its going to be about drama its got a laid back feeling to it.

The plot its self looks pretty epic, and has my attention pretty well I'm intrested in why this new boy is going to all of a sudden be throwen in to the mix I am also curious as to how you're going to add him in to the story there is just so much I can see you doing with this and I'm exsited to see what comes of it.

Let me know when the first chapter is up yeah?

Much <3 Kat"

I really like how simple the layout it. It doesn't take away from the summery, which is good. The only thing I really didn't like about it was the gray font. I feel that it is a little dark, which made it a little difficult to read against the black background. You don't have to change it, it is just something that bothered me a bit.

The summery was quite short, but not too short, but gave away something about the plot. It is a very good summery and I am sure that the story itself will be just as good

this is really really nice. it has a nice flow, and it works really well. the description is pretty simple, but that totally keeps the story going with a nice pace. not too fast, just right. i love the introduction of jordan, and i love how it ends with the 'You!', it's just really cute. i'd love to read more. <3

I love it! You def need to start writing on this again. It's really good and you just drew me in even if it was the simple.... I woke up, getting ready for school. summary could use just a bit of work but other than that, keep writing! Pretty please?lol

I admit, I am pretty interested. I think the summary could use a bit of tweaking in the way you just wrote some of it. There are some spelling errors, such as you wrote "oh" instead of "on". Simple things(:
I also really like the simplicity of the layout.
Please keep writing(:

Hm... so I just stumbled across this and decided to check it out. :)
It's looking like it's going to be an interesting story. And while you touched on it briefly in the first update, you have me wondering when all the drama will start to mix in. And why. :o
I'm sure that'll make this quite the interesting story.
And the layout is simply perfect. Aha. Couldn't think of one to use better. :)
I really hope you choose to continue this soon. It's been a while since you last updated, but I have faith in you. :)
Really can't wait for more! And can't wait to see what all you have in store for this!
Definitely... subscribed! :D

How much drama could possibly go on in a high school's drama department?

Wonderful choice for a first line! It created alot of interest right from the start. The reader asks "Why?" in their head as they read it.

I like the way you introduce her. You don't learn her name right away. And it's just a normal school day.

It moves into it quickly, but no too quickly. It goes at a very good pace. :3

I like the way you present dialogue. It's very natural and free-flowing. Not stale or boring, as it can sometimes get.

The charisma between her and Jordan is very natural as well. It's a good middle ground. She doesn't dislike him, but she's not falling over him either.

This looks like it could be a very interesting, very real and true story. :D

One a black and white baseball...
I think a comma after one would be helpful.
That's just me, though, I got a bit confused reading that.

Jean jackets with patches all over them. They were most likely the rockers of the school.
I can relate to this, a few guys in my school dress this way and I instantly pictured them when I read that. xD Though, most of them are punk or metalhead. Off-topic though.

“that is door goes to the main office and counseling offices.”
...that door goes...

talking about the schools different academies.
Should be used as possessive, therefore, school's or the different academies of the school.

“I help you?” a middle-aged Latina lady asked. She had her hair tired up in a bun and her make-up neatly done.
The 'a' should be capatilized and I think you meant to say 'her hair tied up' ?

... the door was opened by an orange-haired woman. I walked up to her.

So, I noticedd a few mistakes but not a lot. I really like the story so far and I'm subscribing to see how it unfolds. The school is clearly the typical one where students start drama all the time, though I suppose all schools are like that. xD I'm assuming Jordan is one of the popular guys, thus why everyone is kinda jumpy when they see him with Delilah.

As to the details and such, you could try adding a bit more here and there. Mostly to get a good vivid image of how the school building is or how the characters are. Character development would also be good and also a background, Delilah seems very confident, almost too perfect? I want to see her weaknesses.

This is, however, barely the start of the story so I do expect alot from it. Keep up the good work!
Sorry the comment is so long. xD

I loved it(:
you're really good at details without being over the top and boring..
Can't wait for the next update!

I loved it(:
you're really good at details without being over the top and boring..
Can't wait for the next update!

Wow, this was an amazing story :) And I love Delilah's outfit! Polyvore is the best for that kind of stuff.

Seems like I commented on the summary for this once before. I suppose not, though.

Anyway, I really do adore the layout. It's simple and dark, yet has splashes of color! My favorite color at that. I'm a purple lover to the extremes. :)

For some reason, this makes me think of Glee. Lol. Even though this is nothing like it. Though they do have one thing in common. And that is my love! I really do like this story a whole big lot. You've made everyone so real and believable. It's very excellent so far.

Delilah is one of my favorite names! When I read her name I was all "Hey there Delilah, what's it like in New York City?" and "OOOHHH IT'S WHAT YOU DO TO MEEEE!"

But that really has nothing to do with this story. Your detailing and use of different words is beautious. I enjoy it greatly.

Update soon?
kthanks bye,
your new subscriber. <3

First Glance:
You did really well on the banner; it's simple and doesn't distract from the actual story. The summary was a good length so the reader gets a taste of the story but not too much. Good (: Bien bien! XD

Chapter 1
Compared to many, you have really nice grammar and spelling. Also, Delilah appears to be a very realistic and believable character, making it nice to read about her. Also - I love her name. Just saying xD

Overall:
I'm quite curious to see where you take this, so I'm going to subscribe (: That Jordan character seems... interesting? yes(:

This seems pretty interesting so far! Delilah is a lovely name, too.
You had a few mistakes scattered about, but nothing very serious, and it didn't really take away from the actual writing.
You've done a very good job with this! I like it. :)

now that I've heard about where this has all come from,
I'm actually really excited to read this! Just to see how this all came about :)
so, I find this layout very pretty, especially the banner picture x)
ahh picking clothes out in teh morning.. it's like a chore!
the flat iron = a girl's best friend. I swear it's my partner in crime xD
I love how you mentioned her iPod, it's something I always have with me
aww they ran into each other :) *cough* romacne *cough*
I love sweet guys who apologize for running into you! not every one is like htat >.<
it's cute how he recognized her from a restaurant :D
I like the name Delilah too, it's really pretty
it's good that someone was willing to help her <3 :)
wow, rumors are so ugh. i can't believe they've already started!
I really liekd this chapter, and I found it a great begnning to a story!
I have tos ubscribe :D

So I really like this so far :) There are just a few grammar errors, but nothing major :) I even have them and we can never truly catch them all now can we? LOL

I cant wait to see where you take this story. It is always tough being the new girl, but she seems like the girl who could be fiesty if needed :P More soon!

This is so awesome, it hurts.

DUDE. xD

"Make out kids never had a chance to be best friends." Awesome. I sort of thought is this gonna be a story about a bunch of kids who are too busy sleeping together and kissing each other that they forget what matters, etc.

I know, mom. It's fine." I said as I finished my sausage and going back upstairs to finish getting ready.

Comma after fine instead of period. :)

I like the fragmented way in which you describe her makeup. :)

This is freaking awesome, though. I can't believe you don't have any comments.

Oh, and I totally laughed at that banner! It's sooooooo funny.