Let It Shine - Comments

@ l0stinNeverland
Thank you for reading my story :)

So I finally read through the whole thing! I promise to start reading the sequel on a later date as I'd like to check out some other stories as well. I agree with the comment below that this story could use some construction, but don't be put off! Every writer makes a mistake, heck, I once found a mistake in the Twilight book which is very popular so ya' know. Anyway I'm babbling, sorry, all together I thought the plot was really good! And the charactets personalities were made very clear through out the whole thing, which is always a good thing :)

Keep writing and good luck

I've never heard of All-Star Weekend before! I'm going to give you a bit of constructive criticism, as that is what I would hope to get from my readers. So here goes.

I think you should work on creating complex sentences instead of just the generic subject and predicate variety. Maybe try using some semi colons to make the sentences that you have lengthened flow together. So, for instance instead of "Zach was leaning back in his chair when Kaylee gave Zach a flirty smile and he almost fell I couldn’t stop laughing."

Try: "Zach was leaning back in his chair; Kaylee gave him a flirty smile and he almost fell. I couldn't stop laughing." That way it is much smoother to read, but keeps the same words and structure that you originally had.

I also would try to keep away from the diary like descriptions. What I mean is that it seems as though instead of directly telling us how the character feels, try to explain in a different way, such as through actions.

Anyway, I don't mean to sound harsh, I'm just trying to help. Goodness knows I could improve my writings as well. I think with these edits you could have something really great!

You haven't updated in a while but I like this! I'm not a big All-Star Weekend fan but I enjoy this story and hope you continue with it some day! I agree with everyone else, I hate Taylor so far! So, sorry about my double comment. I accidently posted it before I was done! Hope you come back one day (:

You haven't updated in a while but I like this! Hope you continue one day.

I think Zach's over reacting. And if he kills himself I'll kill myself!!!! And Taylor, that little fucking bitch!!!!!!!!!!! I want to kill her!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I wanna kill Taylor!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Maybe end it soon and start a sequal? 'Cause the lonsest stories I read have around 50 chapters so if you do end it soon, maybe you could do like a little sequal of how the rest of their lives go? I would like that! But whatever, it's your story!

:) <3

I HATE Megan!! Can I kill her?

Kiki and Zach should start dating one day! They seem so perfect and cute together!! & I love how Kiki always beats up Zach's exs!! Always makes me laugh!! UPDATE!! <3 :D :-D :) :-)

I'm kinda hating you right now... your making this story soo sad

:)

That chapter was soo sad!! I was almost crying!! :( :-(

How old are all of them?

:) :-) <3

i actully like taylor.................... :/ more?

Love it!!

omg thamks ur amazing!!!!

When is the next one? just wondering but anyway amazing!!

i had been waiting so long for this!!

i LOVE this story!!

I love this story!! more please!