September 6, 2007. - Comments

..wow.
That was so real and honest...it left me speechless.
wow...is all I can say.

Dear Druscilla,

To you, I'm just a stranger, someone who's decided to contact you for unknown reasons. To me, you are a wonderful vibrant person who all my friends know about (and they don't have Mibba). I read your Heroes & Saints story, and you made me cry. It's not the first time, either. You're so honest in your writing and you perfectly capture the feelings and emotion.

I read the previous comments. They're all right. To us, you're a hero. If someone says, "Mibba," maybe 2/3 would think of you. Maybe not immediately, but everyone knows you (and respects you). You've got talent that we're jealous of, and a life that makes me cry. I wish I knew someone who was just like you. (Not the life; if I could take that away from you, I would). And all the Saints we're supposed to follow aren't relevant in this day and age. They didn't deal with the stuff we do; we don't deal with the stuff they did.

You did; you've been through everything and still are. We can look up to you, and respect you in a way that we can't with St Peter, John or Paul. Yes, you're flawed, but the flaws make you human, they make you like us, they make it proof that we WILL get through this. Just like I hope you will.

I'd love to add so much more, but I'm not sure how to say it. If it's possible to fall in love through someone's writing, I think I fell in love with you.

Sam KP.

No one expects you to be a hero, nor a saint.
But can you just live? Maybe there's something. I want to tell you there will be, but I've got no idea.
No one knows what will come out of life. There are twists and turns and suprises; it's a rollercoaster.
Could you really be here just to die? I don't think I can believe it; can you?

And yes, your writing was beautiful and honest.

I don't know what I'm supposed to put here.
I want to tell you it will be okay, but I don't want to be a liar.
You are a hero. My hero. I hope that means something.
Someday, you will realize just how much you save.

Out of every Saints of Mibba story, yours seems most honest.

You said you aren't strong, but you must be if you're still here. Perhaps you're stronger than you think. You drive over that bridge and keep going. It may be because of a promise like you said but either way, you stay strong from them, for whoever you promised. I'm not going to tell you things will get better because, as someone else said, I don't know how true that is. I hope that one day things get better for you, that you'll want to live, that you'll make it.

Wow...that was amazing.

I could connect with everything so well. I've often wished that I'd get cancer or be diagnosed wtih a deadly disease, just so I can die without killing myself. I can relate to a lot of the stuff in there, though I won't come close to claiming that I have it as hard as you.

I totally agree on the 'suicide is selfish' argument. Why aren't you allowed to be selfish, if they are?

But I disagree. You are strong. You're still sitting there, reading this, aren't you? You've lived to see today, haven't you? How many people would have given up by now, just left?

There's a reason your name means 'strong'....

I don't really know what to say. You don't know me or anything, but this is so powerful...

I'm not going to spoonfeed you bullshit. I'm not going to tell you that things will be okay, because I don't know if they will. I'm not going to tell you to stay, because selfish as it may be for you to go, it's just as selfish for people to make you stay. But I will tell you this:

You may not be a saint
But you are a hero.

You are as much of a hero to me as any Ryan, Brendon, Gerard or Pete ever could be.

You may not know me, know who I am, even know my name
But you saved me.

Your writing saved me, your poetry saved me, your opinions saved me, your story saved me.
You. Saved. Me.

You could die tomorrow, and perhaps you wouldn't be known, perhaps you wouldn't leave a mark on the world.

But you're a hero to us. To me, and to Mibba. The people who don't like you don't fucking deserve you, Dru.

I won't preach, but please, please, never give up hope.

You have no idea how many lives you could have saved already.

I'm not sure what, exactly, but I feel as though now I understand something.
That something has clicked, or now fits.
Perhaps it is inappropriate to do so with this type of written work {deeply autobiographical,} but as always, I have chosen my favorite lines.
My favorite lines:

Most happy endings don't come in the shape of pills and coffins. At least not for the people who aren't taking the pills and sleeping endlessly in a mahogany box.

I never once doubted. Everyone says I must have, that I should have known better, that I shouldn't have believed in something that was doomed. But I never once doubted

but that's only because my multiple attempts to turn the house upside down in search of a razorblade or non-serrated knife have failed.

I want to die. I simply want to die.

Everyone else is allowed to be selfish except me. Everyone else wants me to go through this pain, but yet they say they love me. It's a twisted, fucked-up sort of love isn't it?

The fact that I'm still here just means that I haven't gotten up the courage to die yet.

As if I have any control over other people's actions.

My chapter from the "Saints of Mibba" story.
It's really depressing and not uplifting at all, so if you want uplifting go look at all the other entries.

Not-so-happy reading.

xoxox
-Dru