His Ring - Comments

Contest
Thank you for joining my contest. :)

Layout
I'm not a fan. I honestly prefer having colored backgrounds with white content and black text. It's more pleasing to the eye. Instead I have read this in the normal mibba layout because this layout is distracting.

Summary
I adore road trip stories and mainly the 'find yourself' type of story. So I'm very interested in seeing where you go with this. There's a lot of potential for a piece that includes the whole 'finding yourself and moving on' plot line so very excited to see where you go.

Content

chapter one
Instead, she could still see each individual stalk of corn and whisp of grain that the bus drove past. 'whisp' should be 'wisp'.

A few more moments would pass before she knocked and called trying to get an answer for the empty room. 'for' should be 'from'.

her eyes catching the note tapped to the window that sat opposite the door. 'tapped' should be 'taped'.

Like I said before I really like the idea of this. And this first chapter is an excellent way to kick off the story. Not much to say, but I really like the little scenario she cooks up.

chapter four

Maybe if she did than her problems would disappear. should be 'then' instead of 'than'.

Honestly I feel like this needed to be longer. You portrayed the mourning portion perfectly, but there was no real sense of accomplishment for me. It was a few chapters of her being upset over the loss of her loved one which of course, is perfectly acceptable. But your summary leads me to believe this is going to be a story of re-discovery and moving on, etc. and while at the end it sort of insinuates that's going to happen I would've like to see it happen. But otherwise, the writing is lovely and I really enjoy the overall narrative even if it is a bit depressing.

I really love this story It's like I can relate to how she feels in some ways.
I love the way you describe things and how the chapters are short and end with a mysterious line.
I love the layout and the banner how they all match together.
Very good at writing udate please?

I friggin' love the banner. o.o And the layout. You have a beautiful writing style and I very much emphasize with the girl. She's realistic and I like her lots. Emotion was very well portrayed, and the last chapter was my favorite. I guess because she finally made some sort of piece. Starting a new, and it makes you really hope that the character will have a nice new life. I sure do. Gah! Love this.

I also adore how you made her feelings toward Jacob, and how well you got them across. I like it when she chucks the ring (starting a new, blah, blah, blah :D).

Overall, I didn't notice any grammar errors. And you put the words very nicely. :) <3

For starters, the layout is very beautiful. I adore the purple matching the banner.

Standing in the bus station she looked around.

You need a comma after station so it makes it
easier to read.(:

he tears were hot little buds that trailed down her cheeks leaving salty wet trails that she allowed to fall on her hands and arms.She loved him.

You need a space between arms and She.
I adore this description a lot. It captivates what tears should be written as and its just beautiful.

Sorry I was being nitpicky, but I don't want little errors ro ruin this amazing story <3
Overall, I enjoyed this very much :D

Yes, the layout is beautiful, and you're a very good writer.
Write more, please!

First off, the layout is absolutely gorgeous. And the summary really drew me in, it raises so many questions. Where has she gone? What happened to this boy? Did he die, or did he simply disappear?

I like that the story opens with her leaving, already on the bus, looking back on what she’s left at home. I really dislike being left in the dark about a character’s motives right off the bat, but it also raises so many questions. If this girl was intended to be married, how old was she? She still lives at home with her mother, and I find that awfully young of her to be married off.

She wouold wait for a few moments before she called out her daughter's name.
Spellinf, would.

THey all wanted her to let go, but she couldn't. She simply couldn't
Double capitalization.

She she had hours to go before Denver and from there...she wasn't sure where she would go from there.
Repeated “she”

Really great so far, I’m subscribing (:

The description really grabbed my attention, making me wonder what happened to get fiancé, and really makes me want to go back and read wha this story is based on.

I thoroughly enjoyed the way she thought about her mom; the way you painted a visual of her house and then her mothers reaction to her being gone, without being totally obvious with it.

I can't wait to see what you have coming next.. Of course that's after I read the prequel. :)

This was really good. The description amount was perfect and i'm already looking forward to the future chapters ^.^

love it!