We Don't Belong Here - Comments

Here from Le comment swap
As for the layout, the pictures don't come up. They say something about Tiny. But it's pretty easy to read, so I'm not complaining. Your story is practically all dialogue. I'm not a fan of that at all. Also the speech doesn't feel natural, not like something that would actually happen. So work on that and it could get better!

(Comment Swap)

I'm not a great fan of your layout, You could use clearer and more realistic pictures and background that would draw the reader in more.

You need to add alot more into your context, all I'm seeing is dialogue and what you need is imagery and description. Tell us more about the characters in separate parts, blend them in and don't just throw it all into the summary. Also, don't keep asking for comments and subscribers, it puts the readers off and that's how you will loose them.

Came because of the comment swap. First thing I notice is the layout, which looks great. The next is all the dialog. Dialog is important, but it shouldn't be all you write. Describing their actions before while they are speaking helps show what kind of mood their in. what habits they have, their personality. Its really a key part. If you just work on that, and add some twists to the story, than the story will go along just fine. remember, don't take this harshly. Its only constructive criticism.

I was sent here via comment swap :)

It looks like you've got a good plot going, and you've obviously put a lot of thought into this! As I was reading through the first chapter though, I noticed a small grammatical error that keeps being repeated. . When you write dialogue, the 'he' 'she' 'it' ect that comes after shouldn't be capitalised. For example, "“Are you okay?” She questions." should be "Are you okay?" she questions". Also, a lot of your writing is dialogue, and I sometimes feel that takes away from the story slightly. Maybe add in a bit more description? Apart from that, you've got a nice little plot oing, not something I'd usually read, but keep going, you're doing well! :)

Tehe... Wow, that was so fucking awkward to type for ya, but um.. Yeah, it's pretty good... Can't wait till I post the other long ass chapters... I hope Bradley doesnt have a mibba... Bwaaha

Haha yes i do!! Lol. I absolutley love it!! Thanks for posting it for me. :)

Tehe, you so wish that Bradley would kiss you like that!
Just like I wish Eric would to me...

(: I love it girly!
I feel so special cuz I get to be the pervy one!