Cinnamon. - Comments

I really liked this. I thought it was kind of sweet, that he has a crush on this girl – his older brother's girlfriend. I like that there's a kind of innocence in the way he's thinking about her. It seems pure, like a really young and fluffy crush. He's just thinking of kissing her or tasting her but it's not over-sexual or about getting in her pants or sex.

I think the description was wonderfully done – taking about her look, her smell, and even her taste. I think it paints a nice rounded picture of this girl even though so much is still left a mystery. It also paints a nice picture of this boy, that that's what he's so attracted to and so interested in. I love these little moments, these almost kisses. And I love the kind of breezy way you portray his thoughts (his dream).

In the end, and I don't know if you meant to do this or if I'm just reading into it too much, it seems as though – maybe – he does get to kiss her, like maybe she's in his room? At the end, it says, 'He's dreaming about the smell of her hair and the taste of her-

He stops.

He tastes cinnamon. It makes it seem, to me, like he does get to kiss her after all, or maybe like she kissed him (maybe while he was sleeping) and he's tasting her cinnamon on his lips.

The ending was amazing! I liked how it left stuff to the imagination. :D Great job!

"You've Already Written It!" Prewrite Contest:

Praise: I like how you explained so much with so few words. It was the perfect length, and I felt like you told a whole story. The story was sweet and the ending unexpected.

Critique: I think the ending was abrupt, but it wasn't bad :)

I really loved this. Most drabbles make me feel kind of incomplete when I'm finished reading just because they're so short and it's hard to put so much into so little words. You managed to create a story here, not just a bunch of cute sentences. I particularly enjoyed the words you chose, they weren't too complicated but you used them uniquely. Every sentence was beautiful, but I'm particularly fond of the ending. I look forward to reading more of your writing :)

I liked this.
Was pretty random but the descriptions were nice and the ending made me smile.

That was great.
I like how you incorporated the senses, you don't get a lot of that on Mibba.
You created some wicked imagery.
And I adored the twist in the end.
I can't think of any criticism!
Awesome story, I'm glad I read it (:

I love it. I was like, "AWWEH" At the end . <3
It was very unique and clever, everything about it. (:

I love the way you describe everything from the get-go. It casts a warm, happy feeling about the story. It almost physically warms my body to be reading about it; about him warm with lust as he thinks about kissing her warm, cinnamon tinted lips.

This was very cleverly done, and I haven't read it done before. Not on mibba. The way you made it all a dream, and yet made it so he tasted cinnamon on his lips when he awoke. It's beautiful, it's grand - it's great. Seriously, well done with this.

If you asked me to point out something wrong with this story, I wouldn't be able to. The layout is adorable, and the story itself is simply amazing. Your descriptions are absolutely to die for, and this was just a fantastic one-shot.

In fact, I'm going to subscribe. Not because I expect you to update, but because I want to come back and read this whenever I want. :3

I liked it. To the point tone and evoking of senses, it was random but it worked. It flowed perfectly too.

That was one of the best things that I have ever read (:

Drabble For Drabble:

Oh, wow. I loved this. Firstly, I adore the layout. It's simple but cute and goes well with the story.

Your descriptions drew me in right away. I especially loved this: if he leaned over a few inches and pressed his torn lips against her torn lips. I love the use of 'torn' here; I've never heard lips described that way before. It was unusual and original and really stood out to me.

For such a short piece, you actually managed to convey a lot about the narrator and give him (or her, I guess, but I saw it as a him ) depth and a unique voice. It's also so easy to relate to him/her- we've all wanted someone we can't have at some point. That just made the character more real for me. Your writing style flows so effortlessly as well- I could imagine the character saying it in my head.

The last sentence was my absolute favourite though. It turned the whole piece around and made me smile.

In conclusion, I simply love this drabble. It's made it onto the list of my favourite drabbles on Mibba. ;)

Aw this was so cute. I mean, that's such a vague word, but it really describes this perfectly.
I love stories with good imagery, and I really love stories that deal with scents. To me, scents are a big deal, especially when dealing the opposite sex. So, I find them to be very attractive, and it was obvious he did too. You did a great job in describing the cinnamon smell/taste and even the apple scent.

I also just liked your diction. I read the sentence about the bubble gum "bouncing" off of her teeth at least twice. I love that you used "bouncing." I mean, it's really hard to write a common event in a story and make it sound a little less common, or just less redundant, and it's words like "bouncing" that make chewing bubble gum sound different for once. I would never have thought to describe it that way, and I admire your word choice :]

This was a great drabble. In a way, it was perfect. It was rounded by the end and it was full of emotion (and images!). I thoroughly enjoyed it :]

It's sweet. It's interesting. It's different, and it's perfect. All your little details that set the scenario apart from most, and the way you don't use names but I still feel like I know them. Your imagery is wonderful, and your flow is quite nice. Your word chocie is simple, but it's so effective. I also like the layout, how it's very girly. The banner is cute. <3 I really enjoyed this. It's quite sweet.

Wow, this was amazing!
I loved the way you described everything! It was all quite lovely.
I felt like I could feel the boy's hesitation and anticipation.
Of course, the ending was completely unexpected, but it was perfect nonetheless. :)
Wonderful job; you have some great talent!

This was good :) I liked it :DD

It was interesting.
But I'm TOTALLY confused on the ending, lol.