How We Knocked the World off Its Axis in Six Days - Comments

Most definitely a great story. The 'info' or 'summary' page is very catchy in its wording. I like the set up of the story, with different dates and such; it's a neat concept. I enjoyed the length; although, part of me would really love to read more. Good job.

To be completely honest with you, I have no idea where to start. This was amazing to read, and there's a lot about it that I love.

The style in which you wrote this was just amazing, and how you went about your transitions from one day to the next was well done and refreshing, just for the simple fact that if you had wanted to, you could have gotten away with much more obvious transitions.

I loved how you focused on just bits of each day, instead of each day as a whole. And I liked how you took a few days just to focus on Ryan, his whore-ish behavior, and his desperation instead of focusing on the non-relationship he and Brendon have (or had).

I also loved the minimal use of dialogue that you used, because there was so much being said without actually being spoken between the characters.

There's so much more I could ramble on about, but I think you get my point. Overall, this was an amazing read. And I absolutely love the very end. Brendon blinked, the tears clinging to his eyelashes. One more deep breath and he pulled the door back open. "You can't do this without me, Ry," he said, voice dangerously close to breaking. "But good luck." There's just something about those last few sentences that ties the whole thing together for me.

Anyways, fantastic one-shot. Good luck in the contest!

Why have I never commented on this, it's one of my very favourite pieces you've written and I've been subscribed to it for ages. I really like the layout of the one-shot, have you have the dates and how the plot takes place throughout a series of days. It was interesting, and it worked well because you could have done obvious, tackier time lapses that wouldn't have been as formal and I think it would have had a different impact. I'm reading too far into that because I'm in a weird mood and prone to rambling so don't mind me. I loved the title as well, there's something about it that is lovely and makes you want to read and understand. This was so sad, and you have such talent. I think February 17th was my favourite "portion", how much emotion seemed to be in their conversation.

"I say a lot of things."
"I still love you, you know?" Ryan finally turned to look at the boy sitting on the armchair.
Brendon just shook his head. "If that's love, Ry . . ."

This was amazing, this entire one-shot.

All I have to say is I am seriously about to cry. It could be from the amazing story you wrote or it could be that while I was reading this Always was playing in my headphones. Either way, you rock!

This was amazing. I loved it so fucking much. I am in love with this title, I'm not really sure why, I just love the length of it and the formality, almost. It's amazing. This is so different from most of your stories that I've read, I liked how short it was because you stuck exactly to the moments that needed to be told, there was no bullshit and it was just an answer to how the world got knocked off of it's axis. I especially like the one where Ryan was sitting in the bathroom and called Brendon. I loved how short it was, but it was so necessary. It was so broken and tired that it just hurt to read. I also really liked that there was hitting in this, I rarely ever see that in stories, in fact, the only one I can think of off the top of my head is in a story of mine so that doesn't even count. Ijust like it because it is something that happens, these are boys after all, and they get angry and they lose control. It just happens. And I feel like its something a lot of athors are a bit wary of writing and I just like that you just did it because pretty much, you can write whatever you want. You have enough talent to take your writing anywhere and it's amazing to read.

Story Review Game.[/url]

Layout/Summary

I really have nothing bad to say about either your layout or your banner. I loved the color scheme, especially how it matched the color of the bed in the picture. I adored the title as well; it was definitely unique and caught my attention immediately.

The Story:

I adore how you have the story sectioned off into different dates. I was wondering how you were going to structure it, since it only takes place in six days, and I think this was a very effective method. Starting with the 15th, there was one line in here that stood out above the others.

"That's different. I always have a girlfriend. You, like, never have a girlfriend." I think, in just that one, fairly simple line, you told us so much about Ryan's character. With just that one line, you demonstrated that he still felt for Brendon, or at least that is what I got from it. This line also had a huge impact on me because I've actually been told something similar to this by an ex-boyfriend and it is just so hypocritical.

Something inside Brendon snapped and his fist connected with Ryan's jaw. Holy crap. My eyes actually widened when I read this. Just like the line above, this line told me so much about Brendon's character and I could just feel his frustration.

February 16th.

I liked the break in this section from Ryan and Brendon to just focus on Ryan. Even though I've said before, I'll say it again; you seriously are the best author I can think of when it comes to character development; I'm not just talking authors on here, I'm talking authors anywhere. You don't need to go into overwhelming detail; you just have to give us one line that tells us more than entire paragraphs would. In this section, there was one little line that confused me slightly;
When he caught a glimpse of himself in the mirror, he didn't recognize the boy who had left his boyfriend of four years with hickeys on his neck from the guy he'd been cheating on him with for the past six months. I'm trying to think of how to explain what about it confuses me but I'm not entirely sure what it is. I think its because of the lack of identity; I know it is Ryan looking in the mirror, but is he saying he can't recognize himself from Alex? That probably doesn't make any sense either. Moving on.

February 17.

I love the relationship you have between Ryan and Brendon in this; it just seems so incredibly realistic. I loved the simile Brendon asked, voice dry and dead, like firewood. Once again, it's only a few words but they convey so much meaning.

February 18.

This scene was such a contrast from the previous one that I actually had to read it twice. Up to this point, I wasn't really sure how to feel about Ryan's character; I both felt sorry for him and thought he was being slightly selfish. However, this section actually made me pity him and, once again, I could completely relate to how he was feeling. I know how it feels to want someone back after you let them go and you perfectly portrayed all the feelings that come with that situation.

February 19.

Brendon returned, sitting down next the boy on the couch. I believe there should be a to between next and the. I'm conflicted about how to feel again; it's obvious Ryan loves Brendon so I'm kind of rooting for him, but I also think Brendon is doing the right choice. I love how you almost brought the story full cycle by having Ryan hit Brendon. I may be looking too much into it but I also think it was appropriate that his slap was a little weaker than Brendon's punch. It's obvious that Ryan didn't realize how good he had it until it was all gone and without him, he seems kind of an incomplete person. I apologize if that isn't what you were going for at all or if that made no sense.

February 20.

I wasn't expecting that ending, at all. I think this was because, right up to this point, there'd been no mention of PATD; I wasn't sure if they even existed in this universe. I think not mentioning them made the ending more shocking though and gave me more insight into Ryan's character. I think that, if there was a sequel to this, Ryan would regret this decision as well. What I liked best about this ending, however, was how their relationship was flipped on its head and how Brendon, arguably, became the weak one. In a way, it's kind of ironic because now, he's in the exact same position Ryan was; he didn't know what he had until it was gone.

Overall:

Seriously Dru, everything you write fucking blows me away and this was absolutely no exception. I think this may be one of the best pieces I've ever read. You captured every emotion with only a few simple words; your writing was concise and to the point. There was no irrelevant events or descriptions and the story was just focused on their relationship, which made it that much more hard hitting, at least for me. Both characters were so, so realistic; I could relate to both and my heart actually hurt a bit, to be honest. Other than that one small typo, there was no mistakes.

If I had even one ounce of your talent, I could die happy.

The fragment style and dates were an interesting way to tell this story. On the one hand, I like that it frames each interaction between them as a definite moment, kind of like a step in their relationship, and on the other it kinda makes it seem endless even though it's all happening in under a week. It does give the feeling that they've known each other for a while and that all that matters to this particular story are their interactions.

I like the contradictions Ryan has as well - how he's allowed to be with a lot of people, but Brendon isn't because it isn't something Brendon does. While it is sad, the ending was done well and I kinda do like that they didn't end up together (in the span of the story at least). It's just something I can't see working out in the long run because they have very different views on sex and relationships.

I liked this. I enjoyed how it switched day to day and only included things based on the actual relationship, while most stories would go off into complete irrelevant conversations and occurrences. It did confuse me a bit until it specifically mentioned monogamy, because I thought that they may have just been broken up but still were aware of feelings for each other. After that part, it made a lot more sense and I really enjoyed this story. :)

I think its good. :) The ending doesn't seem to really pull the story to a close though. It just kind of leaves you hanging. I'm not sure if that is what you were going for though, because it would make sense with the story I think. Nice job. :)

New story. Based on idea I had last night that I only remember half of.

Comments are love<333

xoxox
-Dru