I really dislike anything to do with Avenged Sevonfold, mainly because it's always about sex slaves and crap. But you managed to make this not seem like a fanfiction about a band member, and more like an original story. I like it a lot, although I noticed a few spelling errors.
Her eyes were still blue sparkling and teasing him with secrets. The whole story is in first person and here you have it in third.
"And you haven't changed a bit. I know better know. You're not going to trick me again," It should be 'I know better now.'
Her eyes were still blue sparkling and teasing him with secrets. The whole story is in first person and here you have it in third.
"And you haven't changed a bit. I know better know. You're not going to trick me again," It should be 'I know better now.'