March 23rd, 2011 at 01:27am
You had a nice hook, but unfortunately it made no sense in comparison to the rest of the story since the ideal of love was not repeated. This means everything after about love should either be eliminated or further supported. I also liked the story about friendship, though the same problem occurred because it was not further explained in the second half of the story. This whole beginning part fit expertly with the quote, talking of two best friends in a suicide note. But the second part of the story was downright confusing and hard to follow. I know you were trying to seem mysterious but there is a difference between leaving some details out and leaving a story plot-less. It is very lacking in elaboration.
I would rate this story as a whole a 5 out of 10. I believe the description and the writing in general was good, but the story was lacking because of the confusing plot change in the second half.
P.S- though this story was confusing an unexplained. I did end up liking the last part of it. If you could find a way to make the story make sense and further explain this, this line would fit wonderfully.
Layout:I’ll admit I don’t really care for it, but I do LOVE the banner and the color scheme.
Content:At first I thought that I was reading a break up letter but then I was shocked when I read that Emily had killed herself and hurt many more people. It reminded me of that American shooting I read about a while ago about a school in Virginia, I think. This broke my heart in some places because, even though its fiction, I feel bad for the families of the seven people Emily murdered.
I can’t really see where you took the quote and used it to your advantage but this was wonderfully written.