I likeeeeee ;PP
March 21st, 2011 at 01:57am
I'm not sure I can really give a proper comment on this considering it's only just started and I don't know what direction the story's going to go in. So, if some of my thoughts of this don't apply, that'd be why.
I think in some ways the narration seemed a bit too explanatory. I could understand that if it was in third person, but I think a more stream of consciousness type of narration would have worked better for the point of view you chose. Although, depending on when she's telling the story (how long ago it was that she died) her narration style could indeed be an indication of her distance from the situation.
I wasn't sure about the sister though. How old was she? because I would have thought that most people would get their parents if they saw their sibling doing something that looked dangerous (unless she didn't really see what was going on?)
The summary definitely drew me in though. And I like her thoughts on self-harming and how everyone who does it doesn't do it for the same reasons. The last line was particularly powerful, as it sets the tone for the story to come.
