Orchard of Minds - Comments

More, I'm loving the creepy update :D and YAY, JEMMA FINALLY GETS TO MEET WILLIAM FOR THE FIRST TIME. :D

I love this story so much. You're doing a really good job of writing it and it's so creepy it's awesome :).

Haha, I was simply going to say that I liked this really much and wanted an update but...as so many people on here left lovely comments on what they liked, I'm gonna gush too x]

The first chapter was my absolute favorite because, well, I like how William thinks. You wrote it beautifully and in a completely non-overly done or awkward way that screws up stories of this genre so yay for your awesome-ness. I really want to know what the whole story is, though. Are these characters possibly in another one of your stories?

The second one, with Jemma, was also interesting. I like that you tied her in to this. Was thinking that it would just stay as "oh, he's a client" to "a client and my cousin was murdered." The way you wrote how she went about her day was amusing, 'cuz I could definitely see myself acting like that at some point or another, haha.

As for James... Let's see. Yes, he's a cannibal {was highly entertained by the reactions of your other readers when it came to that}, but I'm set on liking William for now >=]
My favorite part was when James spooned out the eyes. It made me smile...because it fit with how you were describing him.

So...I want some more, pleeeaaaassseeee. Obviously subscribing x]

Okay, wow. I'm gonna start of with how I love the hell-ish fire kind of feeling I get from the layout and I love the summary and the quotes and the swirly writing you've added to it. It's gorgeous! :)

Okay, when I first read the chapter about William, I was thinking "Finally someone knows how to write in the horror/thriller genre well." I just adore horror/thriller movies and books, despite the fact I'm also a romantic book/movie lover, weird combination I know. Anyway, despite the fact that William is sadistic, I kind of love him. When he described the girl as being pretty after he had cut her cheek out sent shivers down my spine. I rarely react to stories I read on mibba, even to the ones I really like, but you've done it. You actually managed to get a reaction out of me, kudos to you! (y)

Moving onto the chapter about Jemma. I don't have much to say about her since she's not like, serial killer interesting, y'know so I can't expand on much. But that's not to say she's boring. I feel sorry for Jemma, I would die if I had to have her job. Forrealz. Haha at the part when Jemma says she never wants to meet William, that just made me think "OH, NOW I WANT HER TO MEET HIM." Haha, but once again, a fantastic chapter!

Oh my God, the chapterwith James made me feel a bit queasy. I was able to stomach William, reading similar types of things before, but James...when I found out that he was a cannibal, my reaction was "ASDFGHJKL. A CANNIBAL. EWW." But it was written really well. James is truly really a sick and morbid man and you managed to portray that perfectly. When I reached the last few lines of chapter three, I was literally like "Eww!!!" when he scoops out the woman's eyeballs.

But oh my God, I'm totally loving this story right now, I apologise if I come over as weird and creepy and gushy. I'm totally subscribing <3

I don't think the layout added to the effect. I thought it was too...bright(?) I guess I should say :/ It kinda distracted me from the actual story.

Too much of her blood and spirit was scattered around the room waiting to greet her husband before it all faded into nothing but a memory to remind him of why he should never have crossed William Marsh the way that he had.

Ok, that is my favorite line. Its so...I can't explain, it just makes me wonder what happened? What did he do that crossed Marsh? And I'm really curious.

When William was about to rape the poor girl and she cried for God, I kinda expected him to say There is no God, blah blah blah and shit like that but when I continued reading, it was far from what I expected even though it basically said the same thing. (That probably made no sense. Just starting to wake up :p)And writer's who can do that make me wanna subscribe.

Yes you have a subscriber! :D
Update soon? <3

Uhm omg Cho I nearly started crying on this one and I'm not really sure why. o.O

Cannibalism. Cannibalism. Cannibalism.
*hyperventilates*

I just...can't even...so many emotions right nao.

*shakes self*

I'm going to pick again. To get over the fact that this chapter was just afjkdljfklsd; INSANE in such a good way just afkdjfl;kdsj I have no words for the amazingness of fkdsjlf;jdsklfdsj CANNIBALISM.

He could still remember the feel of the clothe vibrating between his long slightly delicate fingers as he had shoved the long strip of clothe between her stretched lips.
I'm not sure why, but I don't like this sentence. It confuses me. It's supposed to be cloth, I'm pretty sure, and I don't understand the vibrating part... *shrugs* Well, there's a spelling thing, so I guess I'm sort of useful. xD

The knife had carved it's way over most of her skin. You don't need the apostrophe in its. ;)

He had suckled her nipples even as he had stabbed furiously at him. I love this line, but I think the him should be her, or something...just a mistake in personal pronouns.

Okay I'm done on nitpicking. fjklasjfklasd AHHH THE ENDININNNG.

100000000/10. <3

Ughhhghghgh

Okay, same thing as the last chapter about the choppy sentences - there are a few here and there but I'm not gonna point them out simply because I be lazy. *files nails* One thing I will point out specifically - Oh well, some things simply weren't dwelling on. I'm preeeeettty sure you forgot the word "worth" between weren't and dwelling.

Wait hold on. Idiots. She worked with idiots. She was absolutely certain of it. I would say somethin' bout it being choppy but it's not and it's just fuckin' hilarious. Anyway. Moving on. xD

Despite that, Marsh had made quite the successful career as a police detective. This line confused me. Marsh is a police detective? O.o Oh. Okay.

AND YOU THROW A TWIST INTO THE END GAAAAH

I feel so bad for Jemma. I want more, of this, so I'm just going to cut the gushing of this comment short and move on to the next chapter. O.O

Oh my god, I think I'm going to drool. This story is RIGHT UP MY ALLEY. Just the kind of stuff that I love to read. <<<<<<<3

But, I do have much more to pick at with this one than the other story.

Okay, first off - the layout. The crazy checkerboard-ness of the background really hurt my eyes, and distracted me from the actual story quite a bit. I think the colors are nice, however.

I love how you started out. I loved the pain and gore and how William thinks. YOU'RE USING WILLIAM fksjafl;kasj I feel like Ara should be in there. ANYWAY. *coughs*

The first thing that caught my eye and severely ruined the lovely flow you had goin' were these lines:
She really did look lovely. At least in his opinion she did. He doubted that she would be able to see it that way. Funny how that kind of thing worked. He really couldn't understand it.
They're short and choppy, and you could mesh them together to make it flow so much better. ;)

Another thing I didn't feel was as amazing as the rest:
Too much of her blood and spirit was scattered around the room waiting to greet her husband before it all faded into nothing but a memory to remind him of why he should never have crossed William Marsh the way that he had.
I LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOOOOOVE this part: Too much of her blood and spirit was scattered around the room waiting to greet her husband before it all faded into nothing but a memory I think you should cut it there, and put a period after memory, then make the next bit another sentence.

I especially loved the part about his thoughts on rape. :3 I mean, they're so unique from the standard reasons for rape. I think it just gave his character so much MORE. Ugh, you're killing me with this and it's only the first chapter. D: I am so excited to go read the rest.

I hope I didn't criticize too much...I just pointed out what I noticed. UGH I love thissss... <3

Oh my gosh. I'm really glad someone recced this too me, because even though it's really kinda gross and twisted, it's still written really well. I can't wait to read more...maybe. Haha.

Well, its really sick and morbid, usually the stuff I wouldn't pick, it really creeps me out, but really its written well and I might have enjoyed it if I didn't feel so sick right now :)

The checkered background is really distracting to the point that my eyes are actually starting to hurt. It just grabs my attention more than the words of your story do when it should be the other way around. It's such a shame because your summary page looks so beautiful with the quotes and all. I really like the quotes that you chose.

She really did look lovely. At least in his opinion she did. He doubted that she would be able to see it that way. Funny how that kind of thing worked. He really couldn't understand it. The blood brought out a certain color in the pallor that was dying around her stretched features. - I really liked this because it made me sort of see that in a sick way, it did look "lovely."
The first chapter was wow. It was horrifying but in a good way.

There were very few typos in the first chapter, but quite a lot in the 2nd. But it’s nothing a good rereading won’t fix.

Ahhh gross! The end of chapter 3 made my eyes feel weird. Haha. It was awesome though. I’m subscribing. As much as I love the gore in all this, I’m also excited for the plot. I hope you continue this soon.

When I first looked at the layout I thought it was a story about wizards, luckily it wasn't.

This is highly disturbing, original, entertaining and awesome. I loved the cannibalism in your latest chapter, it was nice! I could really picture James standing in front of the stove like a housewife, cooking a chunkh piece of thigh.

I just have to say congratulations on your story!

Absolutely LOVE this :) I am dark and twisted and I love stories like these. The first chapter, was like OMG. He was so sick and twisted just torturing her and everthing. I could feel her anger and fear I loved how you dexcribed everything. The last chapter though, OMG. Again! I loved it. I know, how sick of me, but in the honest truth, I love things like this. Adding cannibalism to this whole insane mess, makes this story even more perfect!

I think you need to update soon! I am enjoying this so far so keep up the amazing work darling! <3

That's so gross and so weirdly awesome all at the same time. I can't wait for the next update :)

I loved the writing, but after just eating, I feel very sick at the moment. >_> I think it's the last part, the popping out of eyes, that made me feel queasy and all.

'They hadn't allowed him near sharp objects either or most of the other patients.'
^ I'm sorry, I know he's crazy and all, but that just made me laugh my butt off. XD This line made me think of my friend. (Who I don't trust with any sharp object. >_>)

Well, love, do update. I'm ready to read more, though I will be sure to ask you the disturbance level of the chapter before eating and reading. XD UPDATE! <3

I was sort of creped out, but I really liked it. The way you described things over in Chapter 1 just made my stomach flip-flop. Creepy, but I like it. It's different than other stories I've read. It's amazing and original. So, could you possibly update soon, love? <3

I don't understand why this only has two other comments. This is simply tantalizing. Thisis my favorite genre to read and this made chills run down my spine. I could feel the blade on the side of my face as I read. That's what I look for in stories. The way you describe things is beautiful and flows together so well. When it talked about him grabbing her blood matted hair and him calling her princess. God, it added so much for me. This is so wonderful. I love it. Keep up the fantasticly excellent work!

Oh my gosh, this is soo good! I'm definitely subscribing.

Oh my that gave me chills darling!! I loved it though. It's so descriptive and quite morbid. :]