Forever Alone - Comments

I liked the feeling that you were going for with this. I'm a massive sucker for thriller / horror stories and the concept you hve here is really good. I like the fact that you have it quite ambiguous at the end. Did she actually have a dream, or was she placed back in bed after being dragged into the forest. Was her dream forced upon her by her best friend? It's all rather spooky, I must say!

However, this definitely could have been fleshed out a bit more. Include more on how your narrator felt at each moment. You also do make a few grammar errors here and there. I'd maybe suggest getting a beta to iron out all of the little mistakes because this definitely has the potential to be great!

I'll be announcing the winners on Saturday, so good luck!

Um...creepy and odd. But not bad. Not suited to my personal tastes either, which is why I don't have anything particularly complimentary to say. But of course, I completely understand that it wasn't written for my personal entertainment.

I really didn't feel all too frightened. I thought this was kind of disjointed and too meshed together. It would've done well to draw out the forest scene, to paint maybe a more vivid picture. It actually didn't really make sense to me, and there were quite a few spelling errors. I see what you were trying to do but you could've drawn it out more and explained it. It's like you were so excited to write this piece that you didn't really check it over to make sure everything looked alright.

The setting I'll admit, it's a little cliche but it definitely does it's job in the creepy department and already fills me up with that eerie, dreaded feeling which is awesome. I actually like the repeating of why oh why throughout, it sort of sets a rhythm with the story, I think.

There should be a question mark, though, since it is a question after all.

Also, beep beep is, well, wrong. You shouldn't ever use asterisks in a story. Almost basically ever. Just stay away from them. Instead just use something like the beep of my phone echoed between the trees or something sort of uncanny feeling to it, instead of the beep beep.

You have a period after pathway, in the on the pathway that I was on, and I seems accidental.

I don't think you'd notice what the person behind you would look like, so that didn't really make sense. I think you should've been talking about how relieved she is and no longer scared and then jump up with something grabbed her, you know? Make it seem all calm and then shake it up.

You should describe her feelings more to get it more in the mood- is her heart beating fast, is it cold or warm out? How does it feel on her skin? Are there goose bumps? Is she short of breath? About to cry? Trying to calm herself down? The main aspect to a thriller is feeling, connect with the reader and make them terrified, and it sort of feel flat with that.

Otherwise, for your first time, it was really good! :3

Don't be so harsh on yourself. The story was actually really good!
<3

I thought that this was good. It had a lot of detail. A few punctuation/grammar mistakes I noticed.
Also, the image needs to be displayed on the layout. I didn't want the link.
:)
Good job.