Erotic Literature - Comments

Are you kidding me poor attempt, I hate violence, but SLAP YOURSELF!!!!!!!!!!!! That was so fucking hotttt, I wish I was there with a video camera! The descriptives that you used for each action and emotion was just incredible! Keep writing, don't you ever give up, I have utter faith in your ability to make my imagination explode due to the fact that what I read pops right into my head as a movie or something weird like that! Now get typing sweets, I'm a fan and I am loving it!

;)....good one!

Oh, this is nice.
Keep on!

You're doing a decent job, but I think, since you're focusing on a very raunchy genre, that you focus a little too much upon the development on characters. This is perfect for a longer story, but as you're doing short story, it's going to be very challenging trying to captivate the audience with characters that they probably won't be interested in. This is definitely a series for the sex. Like porn. Nobody really cares about the story line or the background behind the characters in any depth, shape, or form. They're there to savor the lust and passion--nothing more.

A little more graphic in the sexual encounter is a plus, but it's just my opinion. Hope my critique helps, and keep this going. I can see it being huge.

I'm looking forward to the slash next chapter! Hope it comes out soon :D