Tick Tick Fuck - Comments

O.O

I know you told me to check out some of your original fics... but as I was looking for them, I stumbled upon this and saw that it was an Inception fic and my brain immediately made my finger clicky and I went O.O YAYYYYYYYYYYYY

XD

Not only did I LOVE Inception, but I LOVE Arthur. XD

Story Pic.: Looks nice. Looks like something I can do on photoshop (Just bragging Joe, don't worry about it)

Summery: It's short and sweet. Doesn't tell too much, doesn't tell too little.

Chapter One: Lord, that was short. It had my interest (at the sweat part) and then it died, because it wasn't right. That's something one would put as their summery, not a chapter of their story. It was a little too confusing for a story chapter also. Felt like I was reading a poem.

Chapter Two: The beginning is nice. And I'm happy you put some dialogue in there before I lost my head. Dialogue is key. It sets up an idea of how the characters interact and sometimes their personalities come through in it.

When getting to the parts where the characters start to reflect emotion, perhaps you should lose some of the fancy pantsy words. I know that when I'm upset, I don't think of words such as desperation. I know this is in 3rd person, but I know there's a way you can connect the characters feelings with the story teller without it coming off too much as 1st person POV. But I guess it all depends on the reader.

"The words produced a flinch" Mm, maybe it's the way you write, but I think that sounds too... I don't know, it doesn't flow too well. Perhaps you could have said "He flinched at his words." that way it flows better and doesn't sound too story telling. When I'm reading a story, I don't want to feel like I'm reading a story, I want to feel like I'm living the story. If you know what I mean.

Okay, I'm having the feeling that this is a slash, but I'm not sure. If it isn't... I don't know. Maybe it's just me. (Am I being too tough of a critic? I feel like it)

"The world seemed to stand still. The shrill laughter. The shuffling cards. The clacking dice. The spinning roulette. The cries of victory. "

This is nice, nice imagery. Me like, me gusta!

"If I do this Arthur...you both have to stay out of my life forever. I never want to see either of you again."

Right here, I believe you're supposed to start a new paragraph.

I would click the song, but it's late at night and I don't feel like hearing music. Plus I'm not a big fan of rock, which I'm assuming it is. But I think it's cool that you have a song on here. I don't think you're supposed to have the actual video showing. I believe you're supposed to have the link to the video instead. Make sure you check that out in the rules for stories.

Chapter Three:
I like how you have a flash back, I like flash backs. Just wish you made it a little more clearer to tell that it was a flash back instead of just using italics. Like having the sentence before it have something like "Just thinking back on it..." or something like "He remembers..." whatever. Something like that.

Again, too many complicated words that make someone have to crack out a dictionary. It's cool every once in a while, but when doing a fiction story, words like those tend to break the slight poetic sense of the story and make it sound like regurgitated information on the character.

"I don't think out loud," he argued. "You're just reading my mind."

I like that. It reminds me of how me and my sister tend to say some things that are on our mind out loud.

The bags were torn from their faces and the light speared their eyes trying to burn and scar the delicate tissue as they screwed the orbs close.

Yikes, scary. You might want to tone that description down some.

Oh I see, it's a bi-sexual fling going on.

Okay, I'll give it too you, you got me interested. Not many stories do that. Aren't you glad I came across your story that was almost forgotten? I'm sorry, I get really brazen during late hours of the night. I'll subscribe to keep me and you satisfied, so I can have a good read. As long as you throw away some of those fancy words that kill the flow, I'll be aight.

"You're worrying out loud again Arthur," <---favorite line <3

Unrelated comment: You have amazing and thorough commenters.

But Jesus, that was ah-motherfucking-mazing! The layout even gave me chills.I love how perfectly the quote fit and for some reason, the clock was a perfect addition to your layout banner.

The summary was perfect, even though it's short. I may be a little bias, since Inception is my all time favorite movie, but it made me squeal like a little fan girl. I'm not even ashamed. I clicked the "Chapter Two" button so fast...

Chapter one was amazing. I loved it from the start to the finish. I'm waiting on the next chapter, missy

<3

Smoke curled around the room. strong opener gotta love those! I love how you can describe scene but build character in one paragraph I can feel like I know who this guy is and I can feel myself in the same room.

I actually really enjoy the way this is written. It seems natural yet planned. It all connects and passes fluidly. Theres no dryness or forced movement from point A to point B and there's no dull transition as if you only want to write specific parts but not the rest. I enjoy that about this and the effective story telling and imagery. I'm going to sub. I'm in love with the characters already =]

Oh and I also sort of got the is this going to be a Freddy Kruger fan-fic vibe from the initial lay out and first chapter. I don't know if thats what you where going for.

I really adore the lay out and the way everything opened up from the quote in the banner to the opening words. It really sets a good launch pad gives a lot yet minimal information and draws the people in.

I do think that maybe the page could be a little wider or maybe the thick red strip a little thinner but that's just me.

I think that opening chapter was perfect length for the message it sent across. If anything it put more emphasis on everything especially with the repetition involved. I think repetition was sued effectively and any longer would have made it too wordy or expressive. I like the give a little but stay in the dark method of this so far.

Wow, okay, so your descriptions are absolutely amazing. You definitely had me hooked from the very first line in the first chapter, and you kept my interest throughout the entirety of the second chapter. I liked how you introduced the conflict of the story right away - with our main character trying to get "her" back - you tossed some suspense in there right away. All in all, I really enjoyed reading what you've gotten so far. The only thing I have to mention, is that in the middle of the second chapter when you introduced the other male character, it was a little confusing at first as to who was speaking at certain times, with only "he" as a reference for both of them. However, once you got a couple of sentences in, I found that it was much easier to distinguish the two. Great job! :)

The layout is gorgeous, missy. I like how it's all red and such, and nothing seems out of place. The red and white quote in the middle is a very, very nice touch, not to meant gorgeous.

The summary was short, sweet, and to the point. It lures me in with question about who these people are, what they do, and who they are to each other. Even if this wasn't a comment swap, you would've pulled me in as a reader and commenter, I'm sure. Nice opening and layout. :)

Chapter One

I like how you talked about dreams in this chapter. The way you describe everything interests me to read on, but I also felt you could a little more detail into this chapter. You gave one action, and then a bunch of babble. It seems a little unbalanced to me. But, I am interested. What types of dreams will this pertain to? Why are they so scary? Only time and your amazing words will tell. :)

Onward, hehe!(:
<3

Chapter Two

coming back to you lot," he declared. "I told you that two years ago dammit."

Is lot his name? Or does the lot belong to this mystery man? Just pulling this out, because this line kind of confused me.

The almost feminine face softening with something like desperation flashing across his face

A little repeatitve. Re-consider sentence structure or word choice?

This was a really, really amazing chapter, you know? It gives away a lot, things important to the plot, but not everything, you know? It leaves room for the reader to grow and learn as the story moves forward and I like that. It's one of my biggest pet peeves when someone gives away everything about the story in the summary or first chapter, you know? But not you. This was amazing. (:

Another thing I liked was your attention to detail. You gave us a setting and other few minor details that really made this come to life. You're a really talented writer and this story has a lot of potential. All I can reccomend is to once over for your grammar. This was amazing. :) <3

first off, the red margin kind of hurts my eyes and made this annoying to read but i digress... "dreams" was really interesting. because it was so short you didn't give much away and that intrigued me. "casino" is much longer and i enjoyed it a lot more. it's still very mysterious - you begin to explain things, but i've still got a lot of questions. :3 the only criticism i have is that the conversation between eames and arthur is really confusing. you only told us their names at the end of it and that made the conversation quite difficult to follow, for me at least. anyway, you've got real talent and i'm pretty impressed. well done :)

The first thing that I noticed was that this layout really attracts the attention of the reader. I wish that I was good at making layout.

This is full of suspense and detail, regardless of length. I like it :)

Even though like you said on my journal it was short...

It was bloody brilliant...

It's making me think what will come next and what is around the corner for the woman. It's strong and powerful. It's so small but the detail to attention makes up for it, if this story continues I might sub :-)

The layout is also amazing! The colours work really well togther! The picture is really good also.

Yeah so I like taking your comment virginity on whatever you pop out.

fkjdl;jfkslaj I can't even jfkdsjflk;sad That was hilarious sorry. Done laughing at myself.

Anyway, this EXTREMELY short chapter was EXTREMELY packed. Have I mentioned that you're a fabulous writer? 'Cause, like, you, like, are. I love how you can write such short sentences/chapters/paragraphs, and put so much meaning and TENSION into them.

*faints*

Since that was so short, I am almost expecting another chapter tonight.

12 out of 10. <3