April 1st, 2012 at 12:17am
It was a good story with a wonderful concept but I feel I must mention that at the halfway mark of the second story I was reading purely in the hopes it would get better. I was prepared to call this story one of my all time favorites until Miky's hand twitched.
My constructive criticism is that you toyed far too much with the "boy who cried wolf" theme. Mikey's dead but no he's alive and now he's dead but oh nope he's alive but it's all good because he's dead again but wait a second he's alive once more. It became a drag and I think I skipped the last eight or so chapters because I simply could not handle it anymore. Must say I adored the ending and if you had elaborated more on things such as their mum's funeral and giving them more time in freedom you would find you wouldn't be hindered by the need to kill Mikey and ressurect him so much.
I also found the self pitying on Gerard's behalf a tad to angsty, you could have created a wonderful climax of him believing truely and whole-heartedly that he was never in the wrong and that his brother was to blame before bringing Mikey back in to shatter that.
As I said they are just small concrits that I personally found but apart from that this story was truely wonderful and highly creative and entertaining :)
I'm sure Mikey took away Frank's phone when he locked him in the basement, but you never mentioned it, so I had to wonder about it -.- though logically Mikey did it
This is honestly first story in which I hate Mikey... In other ones I could just dislike him, but it's a whole different matter in this one O.o what struck me, Mikey may not be the only one with some mental problems... I mean Gerard looks as though he had something with his head too sometimes or he's just losing his mind because of what Mikey's done to him :/
Another question ~ how was possible that Mikey was in the hospital...? I mean, wasn't he a criminal everyone was looking for...? He couldn't have just walked in and said hi! I'm back to work, I'll go check on guy I wanted to kill yesterday, could he? Or he snuck in...
I was also shocked that Gerard realised Mikey's mental state so late O.o I thought it was pretty clear he's unstable O.o
What completely annoyed me to no end was Gerard saying Mikey's his family... I think there should be some explanation... Family means flesh and blood, but shouldn't it be an alternative term, like... Home and house, mum and mother, dad and father...? I know you can't change it though :/ idk, maybe I'm weird, but if my sister did something like that to me I wouldn't hesitate to hurt her (maybe not kill her, that's right...), but if she was a psychotic sadist I'd kill her... Anyway, what I mean is, after all the things Mikey's done to Gerard he should lose the connection of brothers... Their bond was never strong to begin with and as time passed it was all but better... What actually does blood connection mean...? Nothing if the person from your family treats you like that, at least to me... So to sum it up Mikey was mentally unstable and Gerard had some issues too -.-
Another thing that made me go WTF was... So what if Mikey killed Gerard? What then? Mikey'd flee, Frank'd live in fear for his life and most likely there would be some confrontation that'd lead to someone's death... So Gerard is kinda dumb for not thinking about it earlier -.-
Ah, when you made everyone think Mikey was dead I all but squealed with delight C: my family is telling me to shut up at the moment, because at first I was laughing while reading, then LOLing, then "FFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUCK"ing, rolling on my bed, and other, nevermind.
Finally I'd like to say that Mikey's "resurrection" made me go LOLOLOLOLOL C: and hate on Gerard because he said it's a luck he didn't kill Mikey -.- anyway, this story is so wicked I love it, but I seriously need to go to sleep :'c