Rat Race - Comments

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I like this story a lot. The way you write just draws people in with the descriptions and the girls' personalities. I know how difficult it is to give people their own opinions and personalities and keep with it. You pull it off so well. :)

This is really good. I love how you write--it just draws me in. It has just the right amount of description. I really love how you managed to give each girl their own personality. It's hard to keep different tones with each character in my opinion, but you pulled it off.

Rosalynn is hands down my favorite character. She has such a sharp mind and that sassiness just makes her that much more enjoyable. Overall this story maintains such a realistic feel both with the plot and with the characters.

You are nothing short of brilliant. You are definitely creating something great. I can't tell if I like Rosalynn but I feel like her personality has a greater meaning. There's a Rosalynn in everyone of us. You have a beautiful talent and I cannot wait to see more of your work.

I just want to say that I am really enjoying your story! It's very well written, I didn't find any grammar or spelling mistakes, which is definitely a good thing! I also love how different each of your characters are, but they are still all kind of dealing with surviving high school. It kind of reminds me of the dynamics of The Breakfast Club.

First, your background in contrast with the text color makes this very difficult to read, its giving me a bit of a headache.

Oh goodness, she's a sassy one isnt she? Likes control? And the best part is she's still likeable. Sometimes people get carried away with their characters who have attitudes similar to Rosalynn's, but you've manged to give her sass while still keeping her in the enjoyable spectrum, and that's no simple feat. I really enjoy her character already. Best of luck with this!

[comment swap]
I love your story :o asdfjkl it's amazing and I can't wait to read more. Your style of writing is perfect; it flows, it's eloquent [Ihopethat'stherightwordtouse] and the way you describe things paints a picture. Only thing I would say that's slightly criticism is that some of your characters seem a bit weak? But that could just be my personal opinion from the way you write them, and there's nothing wrong with that. Everyone writes differently :) Anyways; awesome story and you're an amazing writer :D

I love your story! It's great and I subscribed. For some reason Scarlet is my favorite. Maybe she's just relatable! :)

Subscribed.

I really like this story. It's cool and a bit more realistic than some of the other stories out there. I'm really excited to see where this goes. The only two things I would change would be the summary and the layout.

The summary, like stated in previous comments, just seems a bit too info dump-ish, ya know? Just find a way to fix it.

The layout, to me, changes the story completely. The picture is perfect for this piece, but maybe could thrive better if you put it as the title picture. Just revise it a bit and it should be great!

Keep writing (:

Subbed because I love it! have you ever seen the film "4.3.2.1"? because it is similar to this in many respects. I agree with lower comments in that while the layout is cool and appropriate to the story, the picture could perhaps go better somewhere else, in a fixed position. looking forward to finishing this off later

Subscribed! I love this. The concept of the multiple characters is great. I really think it really gives the story more dimension. I even like the quirky and interesting chapter titles. Keep up the story.

Title:
It doesn't really catch my interest that much, but it does make me wonder what it's about. Perhaps a race to get someone, a deadline...? I'm not sure. It's not bad, though!

Layout:
While it's not bad, it may be hard to read for some with the bright white text on a black background. I think it'd work better if reversed, and it was black text on a white background. It's still go with the picture, too. I think the picture should be one that isn't on the background, and in the actual content. It looks awkward when the text goes up over it when you scroll down. Otherwise the layout is alright.

Summary:
The characters seem pretty interesting from what I've read of them. I'm interested to see how they develop, as they seem pretty real. Although it seems like a bit of an info dump to me, and would have rather had a summary about the story, and learn about the characters through the actual content.

Chapter One:
Wow...Rosalynn seems kind of...bitch-ish to me? I wonder why she doesn't stay with guys for long. I'm curious.

It seems she might be afraid to fall in love or something, or she's just not interested in guys...

She seems way too confident for my liking. I dislike folks who act like this, so this makes it seem so much more real because there are people like this.

Her stepmother seems a bitch just like her. Even fake, too, and way too serious.

Over all your grammar was great and I didn't see any mistakes, though. I think you could probably use more vocabulary and show the character's feelings more, but otherwise it's good.

Not a bad story at all, and I enjoyed reading it!

To start off, it's difficult to have multiple main characters and make them all well-formed and interesting characters, especially in just the first few chapters. You've done that though. Congratulations. Your story is interesting, and I love your characters. You're a really great writer and everything looks good. No big mistakes that I could see. I also love your chapter titles.

I was brought here by comment swap. This isn't normally a story I would go for, because I don't really like people like Rosalynn! :D
I’m sure she has some kind of deep, dark secret that we’ll figure out as to why she treats men that way right?
However, I think that your characters are lifelike, and I look forward to reading how the rest of the story pans out.

After being brought here by comment swap, I was really drawn into this story by your summary and was really excited to read it. However, whole your characterizations of the girls are great, I almost feel like the story is too prolonged. I feel like you could describe each of them while having them interact, because it was a bit of a drag having to go through multiple chapters before a real plot emerged. It has great promise, though, so keep going!

This is really good, and deserves much more comments.
The idea is interesting, and each of the girls have personalities and little quirks that I think most people, including myself, can relate to. Which makes the story that much better. I can't wait for more and I hope you update soon! (:

I love this! :D

sounds interesting! id like to see where this goes. update soon!:)