My Heart's Always With You Now. - Comments

Well thank you for the critism, I much apperate it. I am going to make a custom layout soon, I just have to find the right pictures. As for some of the I's I am sorry but I have a tendency to do that. Anyway thanks again, and I have been rushed so sorry if the first few are not good.

Well thank you for the critism, I much apperate it. I am going to make a custom layout soon, I just have to find the right pictures. As for some of the I's I am sorry but I have a tendency to do that. Anyway thanks again, and I have been rushed so sorry if the first few are not good.

Alright, I think that this has potential. But first, my criticism before the good points.

1. There are a lot of I's, and a lot of 'I said's and 'He said's. Perhaps broaden it out a little more. As for the capitals after some speech, you'll need to read this very carefully. [x]
2. You've got a lot to work on to let this story get somewhere. You need a bit more body and a bit more background in your chapters. Make it longer, more interesting, more grabbing. If you're really devoted, you can even look up on Google useful techniques.
3. You don't need to place 'David's POV' in the top of your chapters. Put it in the description, or let other people find it out for themselves. It's irrelevant and dampens the atmosphere of your work.

And now for the positives.
1. I believe you have a good idea going on. I've seen it in a many few places, so you'll need to add a really awesome twist to it to make it stand out. Otherwise, I think there will be a lot of people ready to drink this up.
2. You're going strong with the chapters, people like to read a story that isn't just one chapter. They like to have something to lead on from a well written first chapter.

And now the miscellaneous.
* A custom layout draws in readers. Be creative, original and let people see how much effort you're putting into it. If you need help, the forums will always have someone helpful to guide you.

And now, good luck to you.