Him - Comments

I chose to read this story since it was the first one your stories list.
=) So I shall go read now...

A simplistic story of the emotion of love and love lost.
A very bittersweet feel came over me as I read it, which gave it a calming and warming sense that was there in the characters storm of hurt and anguish.

Good work.

This is lovely :)
I thought the best part was this:
You told me your favorite song when we stood there, two silent observers among the swaying bodies. The way your voice went quiet, the way your eyes burned…
It was more special to me, than dancing with you could have ever been.

It was really nice how you made her sound like she was looking back on the memories, and just choosing to love him, even if he doesn't know it. I like how you added music into it, by putting it in the memory.

This story is too sweet. I love all the emotion you put into it. Also, I like how you used one of the premade layouts...I think?...that kinda makes the whole focus of the person go into the story, not the layout.
Your way of writing is awesome, by the way. You put just the right amount of detail and realisticness that it made it so relateable.
The ending was adorable.
This story actually brought tears into my eyes, aha.
Awesome story, overall. <3

I'm crying! Aw. This just made my day. I'm going to read it again, because that's just how I role. Thanks for the comment on my journal too. Thanks for writing this... Thanks for being you. <3 love. love. love.

I have to say that I really did enjoy reading this. (: It was very sweet, and touching, and also sad. It made me tear up reading this and also made me think of the person that I love with all of my heart. Your grammar was pretty good, which I am glad about. Your vocabulary also clearly expressed the emotions within this. Amazing. (: I am going to subscribe to this so I can read it again without having to search too much.

I absolutely love the simplicity of this. I've never went through anything like this, but I still couldn't not cry at this. It's so sad what we females go through for love. I hope that I'll never ever have to go through anything as painful as this because I know that it'll probably end very, very badly :( However, I was very confused at the end; was she just leaving him at the end or was she committing suicide? I guess it leaves it up to the reader what to think. It was touching and relatable and short and sweet and wonderful. Amazing job once again, hun! <3

How can I comment here and not cry onto my keyboard? Seriously...

Gah...!

I loved that in simplicity, you made this piece touching. Because, dude, it was that. Touching. Relatable would be the best way to describe it, because, of course, who hasn't gone through something like this, yeah? Short, sweet, and wonderful. I loved it. :)

Awe. Usually I comment on custom layouts and summaries, (since they make things a bit more personalized) but you don't have either. ): It disappoints me a little, but at the same time it seems to say, "Hey, you shouldn't be focused on me, the layout, or me, the summary, you should be focused on the beautiful words inside this package." which makes me think you're secretly some sort of symbolic genius. :) I see what you did there, missy and it's impressive. <3 :) Gorgeous.<3

I'm off to read this piece that I am sure is going to be amazing.<3 I remember reading a couple of your stories before and loving them to bits.<3 They were all stunning in detail, beautiful in meaning, and gorgeous in writing style. I'm sure this story will be just as perfect as always if not more, since you never cease to amaze me. :) <3

Onward with the adventure! :)<3

One thing, I don’t think you realized, what you were doing to me.

I'm not sure why there's a comma after realized. It kind of chops up your flow and is kind of unnessecary. Just thought I'd point it out. :) <3

Now that that's out of the way, I can now wholly lay on all the compliments this adorable little peice deserves.<3

The detail was gorgeous. I really, really liked how we were one with the character, you know? We still kind the fill of events and all, and yet, at the same time it's like, we're there in her heart and that's what's up.<3 It's a gorgeous thing, since I love her adorable optimisim and obvious affection for this male character.

I think the ending was my favorite part - though, I'm not all too happy it ended at all, aha. But really, the way it ended, it made me think, is she confessing her love to him!? That's adorable!(: <33 The cliffhanger you chose made me just imagine this whole scenario for her, aha. Die hard romantic, yeahhh.(: <3

The last thing about this story I enjoyed was the fact that it's relatable. It's an amazing thing, a skill if you will, when a writer can honestly connect with their reader, aha. The way in which you wrote this, the emotions you hit and the ideals....it all just made me think. Mostly about things like my first love and all of that mush, aha.<33 .////.
Really, this was wonderful. I don't think I can say that enough, aha.<33 Just plain super gorgeous. :) <3 I loved every word of this and fer sure, this is perfect.<3

Amazing job!(:

Ok, I adore the layout though pink isn't my favorite color but ill get past that :) The picture is just adorable since I love love LOVE Peter Pan <33
Ok, onto the story :D

I've never been in love before, and it's scary sometimes.

Overall it was my favorite line since it is very true. Love is scary and that's something I can relate to the narrator; thinking love is scary.

Amazing job <33 (:

This is incredibly adorable, seriously. Like the way that you describe it makes me want to hug her forever until she can't even breathe, she is just so freaking cute. But it's sort of sad too, but relatable. I think everyone's been in that sort of predicament, at least in some way. It's a sort of daily thing, which is why I like that you've chosen to write about it because we've all been there, you're just putting it into words.

I think what makes it so cute is how optimistic she is, how even though she doesn't know she's still happy just seeing him content, and I think that it shows a lot about how strong her feelings are for him. How just seeing him laugh is enough for her, or knowing that they share at least one thing.

I'd like to think that she planned on telling him her feelings, that's why there would no longer be the question oblivion, that's why she said "even if" like it's a maybe. AND THAT GIVES ME HOPE BECAUSE I LIKE HAPPY ENDINGS.

Super cute. Seriously.

You’re oblivious, and I’m not sure if that’s OK. Because you can smile and not know the way it makes me feel.

There should be a comma there instead of a period. That's it.

This is really good and makes me sad, because memories come back to me. Ah, well...

this is really interesting and it makes you wonder, was she leaving the boy or committing suicide? I loved the descriptions you used when the two were together, it made me imagine what was happening in my head, and that is always good. This seemed personal and that's the best, and I liked how it contained no dialogue, but you could tell how much the girl loved the boy. This is one of the one-shots i've read that I actually enjoyed, so great job(:

I like the layout because it’s not the focus of the story, it’s sweet and lovely to look at but it’s not the big part. I think the whole story is quite cute really, especially how the narrator talks about the firsts. two silent observers among the swaying bodies, I absolutely loved that line, it was simple and effective. You don’t mess around wasting paragraphs on unimportant fluff; you get straight to the important parts of the story. I think you looked at the story at an amazing angle, it was like you were speaking from personal experience, more so then I would usually think and that is what made this peice stand out so much.

In the first sentence, I think you should combine the first and second sentence. The word 'because' isn't the best idea for a starter in a sentence. The third to last sentence would sound better if it was something like this:

You’re the first boy I’ve ever loved, and that’ll always make you special…even if you’re not the first boy I kiss or the first boy I introduce to my parents.

Instead you had:

You’re the first boy I’ve ever loved, and that’ll always make you special…even if you’re not the first boy I kiss, the first boy I introduce to my parents.

I thought this story was written very well. I loved how there wasn't any dialogue and it was just description. It was absolutly adorable! It's too bad you won't write more on it cause I'm curious as to events and aftermaths that happen between the two.

Good job:)

I didn't get till the very end that this was sad because there was no indication of hm breaking it off, but aww. Also, the layout is deceiving. I don;t mean that in a bad way, it just is. Though, it still fits.

This is a lovely little piece, very full of some raw emotion I've definitely felt before and very, very well written. I could read it as a poem. That's how well it flowed to me.

I’ve never been in love before, and it’s scary sometimes. Because I don’t know how you feel, and I know all too well how much I feel.
I loved that. :) That describes love, for the better part.

Also, that piano scene touched me. It gave me a very strong image to sit with and enjoy for a moment.

Just wonderful :) I really can't find anything wrong with this.

As soon as I read that first paragraph, I knew that this was going to be amazing, because that is exactly how I'm feeling right now about my best friend; he doesn't really realize how much his actions affect me and it is just brutal. This entire story was just so immensely personal to me and so well-written. I could relate to literally every sentence and that made this almost a painful experience for me. But I think that is also a sign of how well-written this was; I felt actual pain while reading it.

In other words, this was wonderful. (:

I really like the emotion in this, I could relate a lot and it reminded me of some pieces I'd written in the past. It's clear that this is something you're passionate about and now you've made it something that others can share.
I liked the flow and the language, the only thing I noticed is that "OK" should really be "okay"
Good job.

This is so sweet. I love it, and your writing is good. I've never gone through any of that, but it feels real. Your writing, even when there's only a small bit of it, is lovely and good. I think you did a great job on this, and please don't take the shortness of my comment as anything bad, I have to leave in a minute and I have no time. I love this though.

Have a lovely day.

This is really nice and thoughtful. I'm just glad I'm not the only one that has to go through that exact thing.