All I Ever Needed... - Comments

So I'm be a big critque right now
So I apologize ahead of time...
Okay though you are getting
better with each chapter, you
need to add a lot more details...
Saying You got up, drank coffee,
drove to school, went to class, had
lunch, went to class, etc etc doesn't
put a picture in the readers mind...
it feels like you're readcing a
list so instead right something like
this "I woke up to the annoying voice
of my mother yelling that she had
made breakfast. I groaned and rolled
over my queen sized bed, but rolled
to much and fell to the ground. I
rubbed at the sore spot that hit the
drawer and lazily got up. I dragged
myself to my bathroom and began
getting dressed. I put on (insert
description of outfit) and (insert
what was done to hair). After finally
being satisfied with my refelection, I
troughted downstairs to a steaming
delicious smell. Ah. Coffee, the
world's biggest problem fixer. I
excitedly grabbed my favorite cup
and tried to ignore the stares of my
curious parents, not my fault all I
need for breakfast is a good cup of
joe!" Alright see how that was really
descrptive? Did you get a picture in
your head of what I did? Alright so
I'm not that amazing of a writer so
you may be thinking 'who is she to
try and correct me?' Well I really
do apologize, I just want to help you
out a bit as a fellow writer... Please
don't hate me '~' But outta 10 I will
give you a 1000000 on that masturbation
scene with Frank. Wonderful details
and it was exactly what I was talking
before:) Over all I really love the
start to this story and -subscribe-
you earned another one... Take
my advice and I really think it could
help with improvement:) (Trust me,
everyone needs improvement... Even
the best of writers:}) Love ya!

xo
Anita:)

Frank, hmmm. Well I have nothing to say other than, update?

I don't care what you think of your writing. I love the plot line *+subscribe*, although the hummer, eeeewww. :P

sorry it took me so long to read it! I like that chapter, very cute ^_^ cant wait to find out what happens next <3

ooh my! what're you gonna do now? :D
I'd totally hug him to death. <3

I can't wait to see what happens :))
and thank you for making me a character! I feel supah cool

<3

frankie ! woo! love the update :D

I already love it ^-^ i cant wait for the next chapter :D oh and *le subscribes* :D

I like it! This is great! really looking foward to the next chp!!!

yay!very detailed luv it cant w8 to see wat happens next girl !<3

OH MY GOD THAT WOULD BE AWESOME!!!!!!
I want Frankie as my school cook!!!!!!
<3
love ya
good job on the chap :)

Cute little chappoe, keep going :) <3

i can't wait to see what happens :)

I love how you've started this :D <3 xx

It's a great start sweetie :) keep going! Much love <3

:D
*subscribes*
if you write it, its gotta be good :3
can't wait, love

awww I wanted do steal your comment virginity D: oh well ^_^ cannot wait babes, love you! <3

cant wait ! :D <3