The Panic Girl - Comments

I only read the first two chapters, and I like it so far except for a few things. One of them being all the sentence fragments >.< haha I'm such a grammar nazi. The other is there's a few tense mix ups.. meaning in one sentence you'd use past tense and the next would be present. You see?

Anyways, I think this story has the makings to be pretty good(:

Hi Danni!
I like the gist of the story so far, but you have to work on presentation. What I mean is using spell check, commas, and separating your dialogue. Other than that, very good :)

If you want examples of what I mean, go take a look at my stories. I'm not infallible, but I'm kind of a grammar Nazi when I write. lol

If you would maybe like me to edit for you, just send me a message. I could also make you a layout for your stories that is easier on the eyes? You can see that white on black stuff even when you look away from the screen. lol