The Roof Under the Stars - Comments

Contest Judging
Thank you for joining my contest.:) I see that you chose to not capitalize for an artistic matter, but even so it's against the rules of this site not to use correct grammar, and capitalization is correct grammar. Normally, because the rules of my contest is to follow those rules I would have to disqualify you but, since I've taken too long to judge this portion of the contest, I'm willing to let it slide for now. But just so you know, it's against the rules.

Layout
I like the photo you've used as well as the color scheme. It's legible, so that's also in your favor.

Summary
I like the summary. It's enough to make me already love your writing style, but not enough to give away the plotline of the story. I like what you have there, and it's enough to make me want to read on.

Content
There’s a million metaphors from a million mouths to describe the luminous balls of plasma in the sky but nothing quite comes close to capturing the way they burn. This should be 'There are', instead of 'There is,'

I really love the repetition scheme you have here of 'it's quiet on the roof'. I feel like this girl is in some kind of shock, the way you have everything she says so blunt and to the point. Everything is clipped like nothing really matters anymore. The writing style here reminds me of Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist--I can't remember the authors' name but what you have reminds me of that. This is a fantastic piece. Definitely something I'd like to read more of.

Great job. :)

This was absolutely brilliant <3 very poetic. I used to be a huge FOB fanatic, and I got very used to fanfics and songfics about them, but this was refreshing. It really was inspired by, not based on, which I think is what makes it such a great stand-alone. Amazingly written.

I also have to applaud your status C: I LOL'ed.

This was really neat. I liked the repeition of "it's quiet on the roof..." and just the way this was written. I thought it was really nice and sort of... easy to read. I didn't find myself wishing I could get to the bottom of the page so I could find out what happens. I enjoyed reading it all the way through.

As for the prequal to this, I must say I liked the sequal a little better, but I still enjoyed it. I liked the point of view but I just... I felt like the second one worked a little better. The prequal was a little harder to follow but it was nice nonetheless. As a pair I think they worked well together.

this is wonderful <3 a bit different from your usual, there's less... structure, i think, the narration is more disjointed, but i think this is a lovely piece of experimentation. i like how there wasn't really a dominating emotion, no tangible emotion, but it was still very emotive. we just couldn't quite touch it, the way he can't quite touch the stars.