The End of Forever - Comments

Wow....this is seriously amazing. I really love the summary, it drew me in a whole lot and it rhymed! I just love rhymes >_<. But really I love this story. The character feels so real and I can relate to them. I love you description on everything too. This story is what I've been looking for and I'm glad I found it! Subscribing for sure.

I really like this so I am subbing so I can read more later. I can't right now because I have to get off. lol :)
I like it so keep going! :)

I like this story.
I like how you describe everything. Like, when the person broke into her room. And all the sounds she heard and what she saw and how she felt. It really adds to the story.
Then, when she was looking in the mirror, I like how you described every part of her body and what it looked like, and her clothes, just everything.
In the journal, I liked how I could tell how mad she was. She's very emotional and it shows nicely.
Like she (^) said, at first I thought it was a little weird she was living at home, but then I just figured, she has some mental issues, so she still lives at home, I don't think it's really that unrealistic.
I think that her dad's girlfriend deserves to be treated like that by her, because she's a big girl and she can make her own decisons.

Ummmm....I have trouble with this story. I've read the first three chapters and just how you've developed some of these things is hard for me to come to grips with. For one thing: I have a really hard time with a twenty-three year old girl who still lives at home as if she's fifteen or sixteen. She is also a character that it seems like you're trying to not make her stereotypical when she really is. And her measurements seem really off which is just me nitpicking because I am around 5'6 and even when I was down at only a D cup I was still around 150 or more pounds. Also the relationship that you display between Jenna, the dad, and Kensie just seems a little unrealistic that she would treat Kensie like that (though I'm trying to pointedly ignore that terribly cliche Christian bias) and then the dad would still put up with her? None of it just seems to make sense to me.

The layout was awesome, and the summary was interesting in a way I can't describe.

The prologue was very, well I don't really know. I felt so bad for the little girl. I really liked it though, it was great.

Your description is good, and I like that. It really adds to the story.

Seeing as all I read was the prologue, that is all my comment is for. But I will come back & read more later <33

So please update! & Good job.

To be honest, I adored your layout <3
I do think that the banner matched the background but at the same time it didn't.

The summary was just amazing. It was unique and left me asking for more. It was what drew me in and kept me reading.

Though I only read the prologue, I gotta admit. This is going to be a great story. I find it smart that though she was just ten, she managed to hide. I love how cautious she was and that's something I can relate to. I am curious on why he was searching for her but I guess to make sure the mother was alone.

Honestly, I could practically see what was going on like it was a movie. And it is something a ten year old should never see. The fact that it was descriptive just makes me wanna read more <3

Update soon! :)

Layout: Honestly, I don't think that the banner and the icons go that well together, but it's not that noticeable. Other than that, I like the darkness of it, and the way it matches your summary.

Chapter 1: I like the idea of this story, but I can't help but think that your words are missing something. I can't put my fingure on it, but I think it might be the emotion. A guy was tearing her room up, but it didn't seem like she was scared at all.

Other than that, I like it. Your grammar is great, a few mistakes here and there, but none too noticable.

I just read the prologue, and wow! The way you wrote it is so fantastic! I actually felt afraid! You put in just enough detail! I also read the first chapter, it bothered me that the F word was in there so many times, but that's just my preference and I understand it's the character's way of expressing herself and you could just feel her angry emotions. All in all I thought it was excellent!

The summary was very interesting and drew me in right away. The prologue was. . heartbreaking. I couldn't imagine going through that at ten years old or any age at that matter. You've made this very personal and it touches my heart. You've done a fantastic job with this.

well first off the cover page totally drew me in how unique =] and the layout is grand yet curious in a good way.

That was also an epic intro it was very vivid imagery with out being too thick. I hate when stuff drones on and on and you're just like I wanna know whats happening not the intricacy of the table cloth!

I also like how it has a more personal approach in the next chapter by addressing the audience as you which is actually her addressing the journal but it feels more personal =] I like this so far and you had me forever at "I'm wiccan"

I really enjoy this. I do suppose some more figurative language could be smashed in there a bit or perhaps more colorful word choice but over all it's quite grand not too short not too long.

I read every chapter and I must say, it was all really good. The prologue disturbed me a little, but it wasn't any fault on your part. That sort of thing just makes me queasy.

I like the development of your character, you are able to feel her emotions and everything seems so real, so raw. Also, I like the fact that you're not scared to talk about religion, I envy that you're not afraid to talk about issues that are considered taboo. :D

Keep up the fantastic work!

I. LOVE. THIS.
It's so well written and the prologue....just....wow.
Please, please, please write more!! :D

I read every chapter... and I love it. Your character is so rounded... she sounds like a real person with feelings and fears and a sense of humor. The plot so far is astounding, and I really like Caleb. And I love chapter two where she's ranting about religion. Now that was something me personally could relate to, and that was just amazing character development.

The layout was gorgeous, and I'm totally subscribing! <3 So glad I swapped for this. (Speaking of the swap, if you decide to comment on any of my stories, it should be "The CONquest of Nellie Bly" or "It's a Girl!")

Again, thank you for writing this. It's beautiful!

OOO love this one =). I love the way you describe everything and just the whole concept of the story made me interested and made me want to read more, subs =)

I really like your writing, there isn't too much details so it's very easy to read, well for me. This is very original, from what I can see and this has a lot of potential. I'm sure this'll go far.

Great job! (: <3

The prologue was rather disturbing. It really isn't something a young girl should see. The question of why the guy was "looking" for her arose in my mind. The only thing I had a problem with was the black font on the red background. I found it sort of hard to read, but you don't have to change it if you don't want to. Keep up the good work.

write more please! this is a very good story :)