June 1st, 2011 at 09:32pm
The format makes this hard to read! It should be to the left, not the right, and it needs line breaks between paragraphs.
I liked the first chapter, the way you described the parents, and I was interested in the girl that was escaping, but Paul and these other people seem unlikable, and I lost curiosity in the plot while they were arguing amongst themselves.
The first chapter is my favorite so far - that and the seventeenth, which obviously isn't on here yet haha :p
I'm working on developing characters with distinctly different personalities and writing a really long story (neither of which I've ever done before) so I expected it to be relatively sub-par. Thanks for your criticisms! :D