In the Mist - Comments

Starting with the title, it's catchy. Layout is really good. The font size seemed small to me or maybe it's just time for me to have an eye checkup. Anyhow, the writing is fabulous. Everyone before has appreciated your ability to describe things and I wouldn't say it any differently. It's great and captivating.
Keep up the good work. It's great !! :)

Comment swap brought me here! Woo!
I want to start by saying that I really liked the layout and the title as well. I thought that the first two sentences of this piece really packed a punch and really got me interested, however I wish was just one sentence. I feel that the sentence sturcture it lacking. I feel that in order for a piece to have the proper flow you need to have vairety in terms of sentence sturcture. The adjectvies you use are just wonderful. You really manage to set a mood and a tone and you're using such powerful words to convey your image and I love that about your piece. I think it's a really, really, good piece, but if you played with the sentence structure a bit more it will be an outstanding piece of work.

I just read the first chapter and I would love to tell you this already - comment swap led me here... but I really love your summary. Wherever you got your idea was amazing and I really cannot wait to read the rest of the story!

Comment swap brought me here. Your premise is definitely unique. I'm more of a fan fiction reader and writer and have never read an original story on mibba before. This is a first. Haha. I can definitely see you taking this story and making it an actual novel after you edit a few things. Good luck(:

Via Comment Swap!

I didn't read through the entire chapter because the sentence structure threw me off entirely =(. You're descriptions are AMAZING and I'm really envious to how you describe things. Unfortunately, the only problem with this story is how short the sentence are. It's sort of like creating sentences for a beginner's foreign language class (I am a girl. I have blue eyes. I am tall.) The way your sentences are set up throws me off and I think you should combine some of them together like (I am a tall girl with blue eyes.) but, of course, add more of that exquisite detail that you have!

To sum it up, you have amazing detail, just try and combine sentences together. Don't make your sentences so broken up! It takes away from the story entirely and it's kind of irritating... =(

Sincerely,
red981456

this layout is gorgeous <3.

First off, I have to say your details are stellar. You describe things so well and personify things in an amazing way. On the other hand, I think your sentences are too choppy and it makes your beautiful descriptions not flow as well; so maybe try mixing up sentence structures? otherwise, i think you have a very interesting plot and great writing skills to match. You have a great story here!

Please update this story??!!

I'm looking forward to reading the next update=)

Yay! When I read my comment, I was like: *gasp* Yaaay! It was a funny sounding 'Yaaay!' though! Tee hee!

Okay, now I want to know more, show me more!!!!

Anyways,
Fly safely!
-Totlo

I like it. I liked how the beginning started with the classic "Where am I?" but then blossomed into something more than, "Help, I've fallen and can't get up...HOLY BLEEP IT'S AN ORC DON'T CRUSH ME!!!!! *cowers*" It's "Okay, I guess I'll follow you, you're not leaving."

I really like it, please continue it. I like to read it down to the very last period!

Happy Writing (and Reading!),
Fly safely!
-Totlo