September 22nd, 2012 at 10:24am
(Comment Swap)
Right I'll try and go all out and help, :)
Layout - it works very well with the story idea, but it does seem to be missing something. I dunno that's just me...
Grammar. There are a few mistakes. I'll try and list them, (Im on my phone and i can only see half the chapter.)
"I scolled my phone down."
That obviously should be scrolled. And I remember you putting os somewhere instead of us. And ve instead of be you'll have to double check it yourself but that's from what I remember, :)
Concept - it reminds me of 'Hangover' the films. I don't know if you got the idea from the films. But its a fun idea to go with, :)
Overall - Idea, fun but not original. Layout, works well. Grammar, there's the odd mistake. My opinion, if you work at it hard enough hopefully it won't be too much like the hangover.
I HAVE ONLY READ CHAPTER ONE. IF I MAKE ANY COMMENTS THAT ARE ANSWERED IN LATER CHAPTERS FEEL FREE TO IGNORE. (My disclaimer)
Pleaaaaase update. (: