Where's Warren? - Comments

  • TeckMarie

    TeckMarie (100)

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    Duuuuude, your story is different! It's intriguing and awesome!
    Pleaaaaase update. (:
    September 22nd, 2012 at 10:24am
  • FreyaBalance.

    FreyaBalance. (150)

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    (Comment Swap)

    Right I'll try and go all out and help, :)

    Layout - it works very well with the story idea, but it does seem to be missing something. I dunno that's just me...

    Grammar. There are a few mistakes. I'll try and list them, (Im on my phone and i can only see half the chapter.)
    "I scolled my phone down."
    That obviously should be scrolled. And I remember you putting os somewhere instead of us. And ve instead of be you'll have to double check it yourself but that's from what I remember, :)

    Concept - it reminds me of 'Hangover' the films. I don't know if you got the idea from the films. But its a fun idea to go with, :)

    Overall - Idea, fun but not original. Layout, works well. Grammar, there's the odd mistake. My opinion, if you work at it hard enough hopefully it won't be too much like the hangover.

    I HAVE ONLY READ CHAPTER ONE. IF I MAKE ANY COMMENTS THAT ARE ANSWERED IN LATER CHAPTERS FEEL FREE TO IGNORE. (My disclaimer)
    September 18th, 2012 at 12:05am
  • darlingdoll

    darlingdoll (100)

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    (comment swap) This looks like it is going to be a good story! There are a couple mistakes, but you can fix them easily. One thing I would suggest is to maybe show their past, describe more about the main characters and whatnot. The layout seems nice and you can already tell what the characters personality is like. Keep writing!
    September 16th, 2012 at 03:01am
  • INACTIVExx

    INACTIVExx (150)

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    I really, really like this story. Although, you should really go back and read through your chapters. There are a few mistakes here and there, nothing to big. :) keep it up and looking forward to more :D
    September 15th, 2012 at 01:07am
  • strychnine.

    strychnine. (150)

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    I'm intrigued...
    May 31st, 2011 at 05:45pm
  • astontheowl

    astontheowl (100)

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    I sense brilliance in the making. I love the idea of this, that someone would go missing after a party and thus a main character would embark on an epic adventure. I only worry that this may be cliche in that Warren and Daisy are best friends unaware of their undeniable chemistry, which even you must admit has been down to death, so I hope you avoid that whole thing or make it unique in your own way. Daisy seems amiable enough, I hope there is more to her as well. Can't wait for the next update.

    Peace
    Aston the Owl
    May 31st, 2011 at 05:24pm