Ella Claire - Comments

good story!!!!.... UPDATE!!!!!!!.... please :P

Well this is one of my favorites now and my heart felt like it stopped when she said "his eyes are so blue"
great job and it be even better if the chapters were longer but your story is still awesome :)

I've honestly been trying to read this story for over a week, but every single time I try to get settled, someone interrupts me

Chapter One

First off, I absolutely adore this as an introductory chapter. Though you included a ton of background information in this chapter, it flowed remarkably smoothly, so it didn't feel like a massive info dump.

I have a soft spot for stories involving children, and I must say that, even after the first paragraph, I immediately fell in love with Ella's character. I admire your ability to write her, as so many other stories that I've read that featured children made the child seem incredibly unrealistic, but I feel like you've really hit the nail on the head with Ella. You've given her quirks, but she still retains that childlike quality, and though she's intelligent, she doesn't come off as a miniature adult or a know-it-all.

Another thing I really liked about this chapter was how you sort of divided it up into both Ella's and Daniel's story while still maintaining a good flow. It didn't feel chunky, and I liked how, though the story is titled after Ella, this story seems to be just as much Daniel's as it is his daughter's.

I don't have much constructive criticism to offer on this chapter, but I did come across a few grammatical errors, mostly comma errors, but they didn't really detract from the reading. I normally wouldn't point them out in a comment (I save that for reviews =3), but I figured hey, you won my contest, so I owe it to ya XD

She was as curious as a child could be and held the fiery personality of her mother, her father always said.- This is less of a grammatical thing as it is a flow thing. I feel like the "her father always said" tagged on at the ends reads a bit awkwardly, so I might suggest rewriting it as "she was as curious as a child could be, and her father always said that she held the fiery personality of her mother."

Ella’s mother left after her first birthday; and her father, Daniel, raised her on his own for the next four years. - I think a comma would be better here in place of the semi-colon.

He was covered in tattoos and the stretch piercings in his ears were over an inch in diameter. - You need a comma before "and" here.

Also two years later, he was taking his daughter to her third rock concert featuring Avenged Sevenfold, one of both of their favorite bands to listen to. - This is an incredibly nit-picky thing that I'm guilty of breaking myself, but you aren't supposed to have prepositions at the end of sentences. I think it would sound slightly better if you just ended the sentence at "...favorite bands."

Chapter Two

I liked how you elaborated on Ella's imaginary friends in this chapter, and I'm going to go out on a limb and assume, both from this chapter and the summary, that those friends are going to play a huge part in this story. I enjoyed reading the brief descriptions of them, how you pointed out only the characteristics that Ella deemed as defining. I thought the conversation between Daniel and Ella that closed this chapter was incredibly adorable. It flowed naturally, and it added a bit of a laugh without coming off as trying too hard to be funny or kid-ish, if that makes any sense.

As far as concrit goes, once again, I don't have much. I didn't catch any grammatical errors, though I have to point out that "sleepovers" is one word XD I do wish you would have elaborated a bit more on the middle section, maybe included a conversation with one of her friends or something along those lines. Then again, I can also see why you chose not to, considering that this chapter is written from mostly Daniel's perspective.

I have to admit that the conversation at the end of the chapter was a bit hard to read since it wasn't divided up into paragraphs, so I'd definitely suggest just breaking that up.

Overall, though this chapter was brief, I felt like it helped to sort of wade into the plot of this story without being too overwhelming.

Chapter Three

I thought this chapter was interesting, though I do wish it would've been a bit longer =3 I loved how the band member was automatically drawn to Ella, how she has that sort of endearing charisma about her that everyone notices. I thought it was really adorable that he wanted to bring them backstage, and I was anxious to see where that interaction goes.

Once again, I've gotta complain about the dialogue not being split into paragraphs XD It's just very difficult to read online.

As M. he looked out over the crowd.. - Just a little spot where I think you went back to change "M. Shadows" to "he," just didn't catch it all.

Overall, I like how you're progressing the plot so far. I like that the flow and the tone of this has been consistent throughout, and I love how you've developed your two main characters so far. I feel like, though this is A7X fanfiction, which for the most part, I'm not crazy about, you chose to put more of a focus on your original character, and I like that. I like the subtle qualities of this, and I feel like this story has amazing potential. I wish you luck on this. It was definitely an easy and enjoyable read =)

Also, I was digging around on weheartit yesterday, and I found a few photos that may be suitable for a banner, so I'll PM those to you in a bit to see which one you'd like me to use.

I think it's safe to say this might be one of my new favorite stories.
I love Ella already lol.
This story is definitely different from most stories in a wonderful way.
Can't wait for more!

This is such a unique plot! I've been scouring all of Mibba for something good- looks like I've hit the jackpot! I've honestly never been able to read a post-Jimmy story, till now. It's very, very good. It took me off guard, how different Ella is, but it works oh so well for your story. And your writing itself is amazing as well! I cannot wait for an update- I'm dying to see how the story continues :)
Keep up the amazing writing!

Nothing but gnar!! I love it! :))

oh she saw jimmy!!! wonder if jim will go to her house and talk to her??

This story is good enough to have MORE subscribers. ;)
Excited for the next update. :D

OMG... I think I know who she sees...... **(thinking o_- face)**

Anddd I didn't see this earlier because my email didn't alert me that I got new emails.
Thank you, you lovely, lovely email -_-

Anywho, aw :3
The part where she said she was an Atheist!

I love this story <3
Ella is so cute :]

I'm liking this Ella seems like a really funny little girl and she's very smart.

I'm not up for constructive commenting so here. <3 I lurve it!

I think I know where all this is going... But I could be very very wrong... O.O
I love it though! :D

Hi! I really like it. I have no idea where it is going. Which is really fun. She seams like an adorable little girl. I'm really bad at keeping up with my subscriptions page(s) but I am really good at commenting! =) Keep updating.